Cikgu baru lagi

OMG tatau ler berapa kali dah cikgu kelas Z bertukar (cikgu kelas, bukan cikgu khas)

Mama lupa pulak apa nama cikgu baru Z, but first impression I think I could trust her. This is the first time in 6/7 months that I feel ok with his teacher. Tu pun cikgu tu cakap dia maybe temporary jer kat kelas Z sebab cikgu kelas Z (Ciara) tgh holiday. Cikgu baru ni transferred from other branch and she used to teach pre-school class. Kalau cikgu preschool normally they already have degree in child edu. That’s why she looks very professional perhaps.

Bukan mcm cikgu2 kelas Z sekarang. Ciara tu ntah la, mama pun x kenal sangat dia. Tetiba jer tgk dia dah ada dalam kelas Z. Ganti Cikgu Kathy ke apa ntah yg dulu nih. cikgu tu dah berhenti lama, then cuma cikgu Emma sensorang jer jadi main cikgu kelas Z, while being helped by other teachers (rotation). As a result kelas Z sejak 2-3 bulan lepas mmg porak peranda. Cikgu Ciara tu pun baru sebulan jer keje rasanya.. Cikgu Ciara ni la yang mama kasik warning last week sebab tak pujuk Z menangis tu.

Sorang lagi cikgu kelas Z nama Emma. Hmm.. what can I say about cikgu Emma.. Dia tu School’s supervisor. Honestly, dari awal lagi mama menyampah dengan dia. Nampak sangat fake. Papa pun dah pernah Nampak kepalsuan dia. Bukan lah dia marah2 Z or what (at least not to my knowledge), tapi dia jenis yg peramah mulut manis depan parents jer, belakang parents siap jeling2. How can u trust a person like that? Pastu kalau pegi amik Z tu, Nampak jer kita, terus la dia main2 bergurau senda dengan Z. Padehal dari jauh mama dok intai, Z main sorang jer sebelum tu, tak dihiraukan pun.. Ni bukan sekali dua. Memang banyak kali sangat dah. Dengan parents lain pun dia buat. Semalam masa mama dok borak dengan cikgu Yvonne, cikgu Emma lalu. Z dari jauh dah sengih2 sambil flapping his hands happily while looking at cikgu emma tu. Z will do that when he is excited to see the person. Tapi cikgu emma buat tatau jer.. senyum balik pun tak, terus blah mcm Z non existed. Ni kali ke dua mama nampak, but first for Yvonne. Yvonne siap panggil si Emma tu lagi, buat she just left. Mmg Nampak muka Yvonne pun berubah. So rude! Macam ler bisi sangat, padehal dia nak keluar breakfast jer.

Yvonne cakap dia nak pindahkan Z ke kelas lain. Toddler 2^nd stage. Dia cakap bebudak kelas tu besar n matang sikit. And their teacher are better. Dia pun tak suka kelas sekarang nih. Dah apply, hopefully Z will start in March. For the moment kena la bertahan dulu.. Harap2 cikgu baru nih stay lama sikit la kat kelas Z.

Pastu mama bagitau Yvonne yg mama akan keje part time jer lepas nih, so boleh la focus kepada Z’s therapy. Mama harap sangat Z will get 5 days support when he start preschool in Sept. And I hope it will still be Yvonne. Then dia senyum and say, don’t tell Mairead I told you this.. I think Z already being approved for 5 days support in September and highly likely it will be me! Whaaat! YEAY!!! Kalau lah betul, memang mama bersyukur sangat2.. and then she continue, I really want to work with Z. So I have make the proposal to Mairead (Home Teacher / manager for pre schooler in SMH), and they kind of agree with me :) awww.. thank you so much Yvonne. Mama baru jer planning, dia dah 1 step ahead of me. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for sending these nice people to me and Z..

* pssst ni rahsia. Better write in Malay. Z kan dah dapat separuh minggu cikgu khas, so sepatutnya dia hanya layak untuk dapat separuh minggu jugak next year. Geran daripada kerajaan adalah 5 hari seminggu cikgu khas untuk setahun, ataupun boleh buat separuh2 selama dua tahun.

Sekarang Z dapat 3 hari (pagi) dengan Yvonne, and dia juga dapat 2 petang with Siobhan (maksudnya dia dah gunakan kesemua geran pun), and tahun depan (Sept 14) Z akan dapat lagi 5 hari! Daripada forum yang mama ikuti, memang takde lagi budak lain di Ireland nih yang dapat kelebihan macam Z!

isn’t that amazing??? And they are still people yang bising2 suruh kitorang balik msia dengan alasan akan lebih mudah urusan kami sekeluarga. Macam ler diorang ada anak special. And macam ler diorang akan tolong. Tanya khabar pun tidak, cakap jer lebih. Yes we are struggling, but for the moment I think this is the best decision for Z. Lepas nih tak tau macam mana lagi, and I don’t say that we will spend the rest of our life here. No. Just not now..

Dilema berterusan..

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After I made up my mind last week (of not doing part time), this morning my boss comes up with a better offer. Aiseymen…! Dilema jadinya. I really love doing what I am doing now, but I love Z more. And that’s the reason why I ask for the 15 hr work before. But when my boss told me that I have to work on different area (diff job, diff team, different boss), it totally put me off. So after a lot of thinking (sampai keluar jerawat 3 ketul!!), I told him NO, and I just want to be a SAHM for the 2 years.

But today, after discussing with other managers and also HR, my boss told me that I could work 15hr perweek on my current position - because they just approved budget for a new staff and (half) me! He said he wont give up on me, they still want to use my experience/expertise even only for 15 hrs per week. Wow! Macam mana nih. And even better, I could work half day (4 half day per week) if I want to which is good in term of my work distribution. The best part is, Z could be in creche/playschool in the morning and Yvonne will be there 3 morning, so only Thursday morning jer Z will be alone in creche. Tgh hari mama balik keje boleh ambik Z. I got extra income, and I don’t have to worry finding a new crèche (walaupun I don’t like their service, but it was better than sending Z to new crèche I suppose (due to his anxiety)..) or even a new home (we are planning to move a bit further from town, because its cheaper).

So how?? I have until Friday to give the answer..

Z will be in school in the morning at least until June (July-Aug cuti sekolah) then Sept he will start preschool. That will be every morning. Apa mama nak buat di rumah tiap2 pagi kalau tak kerja? Although I have plan to do a lot of thing with Z (setting up Z’s homework, blab la bla), but I think after a few month, I might get fed up. Otak berkarat! Or maybe I can be like those goddess mom/wife (in my dream)..

Hmmm… but.. July/Aug is school holiday. Cikgu Yvonne pun cuti. So Z will still be in crèche ‘alone’ in the morning if I work. I hate to think that he was there alone. Sigh.. macam mana nih.. And I actually already planted in my mind that I dont have to go to work for the next 2 years. And I kinda like the idea of being a full time housewife and spending a lot of time with Z.

But.. macam rugi jer kalau mama tolak. With those extra money, mama can buy a lot of therapy/learning aids for Z. Semalam mama dok survey2 specialneeds items, mama macam risau jugak sebenarnya thinking that we couldn’t afford those in next 2 years.. Memang ler papa could afford us, but nak spend more tu tak boleh la. Basic private therapy n supplements tu insyaAllah boleh cover.. tapi nak spend extra for all those equipments & gadget agak payah kot.. Stem cell lagi..

But again, after I make some calculation, money wise yes there’s some extra money left, but not that much considering we still have to pay for creche. Is it enough to justify with the time that I lost? Memang le kerja pagi jer, but then balik keje of course penat. Nak kemas2.. nak masak2 lagi.. so how much time left for Z? We might have the best equipment, tapi kalau tak digunakan dengan persistence.. no result. Tu belum masuk bab stress kerja lagi. Pastu cuti pun kurang (keje half time, cuti pun tinggal half jer la) Kalau Z punya appointment pagi, dah kena ambik cuti. Nak balik Msia lagi.. Nak pegi holiday lagi. N paling risau kalau Z unwell, pastu cuti dah habis. Camno?

Or maybe if I work 2 full day per week could work out better? I’ll have 3 extra full day with Z no? Z will still be alone in creche 2 afternoon per week, but I think having 3 days in a row is worth much more than having 4 afternoon + 1 full day? What happen when Z start pre-school in September then? Z will have to go to school 5 mornings, will giraffe accept if we oly send him 2 full days + 3 half days? Kena find out lah. if not, maybe we should move him to other school then.. 

This is not just about me. This is about what I could provide the best for Z. Win some, lose some.. Arggghh.. nanti balik discuss dgn papa dan menteri2 pasola semula la.. 

Afternoon Update: Bumped to my previous manager on her way out just now, she told me she heard the news from my manager, and she is delighted with my decision and will support it all the way.. :). 

Thank you D. I knew it was you! 

When my manager said he approves the 15hr work after discussion with 'other managers', I get it straight away that it must be my previous boss yang approved it. Eventhough D is not my manager anymore, her position is still higher than my current manager (she is the vice CFO and one of the most important person in our institution). She also thinks it is better if I accept the 15 hr offer. She has a special needs son as well, and for her, work is the only thing that make her feels insane. Otherwise everything is just about her son. She hopes the new arrangement will work well for me n Z. 

Before we finish our conversation, D give a pat on my back and say, 'next time if you have problem, you know you can always come to me directly ;)'. It does make me in tears actually. The truth is, only people in similar path with you could really understand your situation. I really admire her. Hopefully I can be as succesfull as her one day :) I am not a kiss ass type of staff, and I just want to do it the right way, thats why I didnt go through her. Plus I do have options, I know my entitlements, so whatever the decision is I am okay with it.. :) But this time, maybe the decision is a YES to the 15hr work.. 

Its amazing how people perception could change. My relationship with D didnt start well AT ALL in the beginning. Will story about that in future. But it does teach me that people could change. Our perception on people always being deceived until we know them personally.. Thank you Allah for this opportunity..

(Well I also know that it might be hell working on 2 days per week, sure ada aje yang tak puas hati with this arrangement. keje 3 hari seminggu dulu pun macam nak pecah kepala. But it is what it is.. If it doesnt break you, it suppose to make you stronger right?)

New Teacher!

Mama baru dapat call dari Mairead, dia cakap diorang baru approve extra support untuk Z. So far Yvonne keje 3 morning kan, now they have added another staff yang akan keje 2 afternoon (Thursday/Friday) Maksudnya tiap2 hari akan ada sorang assistant khas untuk Z. Yipppiiiii!!! Kurang sikit kerisauan mama..(Thank God bukan Carol)

Cuma.. Mama dah email bos semalam untuk ambik 2 years Carer’s Break. And he will meet me this afternoon at 4 to discuss about it. Haiyoo.. now macam dah bertukar plan jer nih. Nak piker pun tak sempat, lagi sejam nak jumpa.. haish, macam mana nih..

Plan asal mama, ambik carer break, but working 15 hrs per week (tu maksimum boleh keje kalau on Carer’s Break). So, mama nk mintak keje full day Monday, then half day Tuesday n Wednesday. Z akan pegi sekolah la on those 3 days, but Tuesday n Wednesday tu mama pegi ambik lepas keja tgh hari tu (Skolah still kena bayar full jugak). Another option is, kalau bos mama x approved 15hr tu, mama memang terus cuti jer la. But mama x boleh la nak hantar Z ke Giraffe 3 days per week. Sesia jer la mama cuti kalau nk hantar Z ke sekolah jugak kan. But at the same time, mama tak nak ler kehilangan Yvonne. So ada satu lagi crèche ni, jauh sikit but very similar to Giraffe, and much more cheaper. N they accept half day. Maksudnya mama boleh je hantar Z ke sana 3 half day (hari yg Yvonne keje). Takde la nk bazir bayar full day kan.. So that’s the plan.

Now, kalau dah cikgu lagi satu pun ada, macam mana pulak plan nya nih.. Should I just cancel my intention for Carer’s Break??? I don’t think so. I still need time to bring Z to therapies and all. So I think we just carry on with the plan. Tatau lagi cikgu baru tu best ke tak kan..

Now, I just thinking out loud. Sebab tgh gelabah nih nk jumpa bos kejap lagi, plan pulak berubah last minit.. fuuuhh.. I think I just go with my original plan la..

Mama dah discuss dgn Mairead, and she’s quite surprise jugak, but she also feels that Z will benefit more when I am not working pun. Tu la, lain kali bagitau la awal2 apa plannya.. mama memang dah bagitau dia dari dulu, yang mama akan cuba usahakan untuk cuti or kerja part time. Tapi mama x bagitau la bila.. sigh.. but at least the new cikgu will start from tomorrow until end of February (notis mama from 1^st March). Untuk March on wards, we will think of the best way to deal with it..

But what if bos mama kata x boleh keje 15hrs per week tu? Should I cancel my plan? Mairead kata dia tak sure Safari tu covered under her area or not. Safari tu dublin 2 address nya i.e south side dublin. Mairead cover North side jer (our home n Giraffe is in Dublin 1 ie North side). But dia cakap certain town area still covered just because they are on the border. Kalau mama tak keje and have to pay for Giraffe, i think that's a waste especially when I dont even like their sevice. We probably would end up loosing the support workers. The good thing is, Z will be eligible for free Pre-School in Sept. So, kalau kena berhenti sekolah pun, it only be from March - August. Actually, we probably still afford to pay until June kot. Yvonne keje sampai June jer, July/Aug summer break.. Hmmm.. boleh kot..InsyaAllah...

Pening lalat mama jadinya nih.. 

Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan mama dan Z.. aminnnn…

Update:
Just had the meeting with my boss, he approved the 2 years Carer's Break, but he cant promise the 15 hrs work just because the nature of my work doesnt suit the 2 days (Mama look after couple of project portfolio value over 30m euro) it quite a huge amount and wont suit the 2 days work obviously. And he also dont think he could find a part timer replacement to cover for the 3 days. But it should be easier to offer a 2 year contract to another accountant, which I couldnt agree more. However, he promised to find another post in different sections that might suit. Honestly, mama agak tawar hati. I always told myself, kalau x dapat keje yang mama buat sekarang nih, I dont think I really want to work at all. Better just stay at home and focus on Z for the next 2 years rasanya. Kalau kerja pun, x de la banyak sangat gaji for 2 days tu, and half of it have to be paid to Giraffe pun.. Penat lagi.. Baik dok rumah jer.. Ntah la, tengok la. Yang penting now I can go ahead and prepare the paperwork for the 2 years break. Hopefully dapat lah benefit tu. Amin..
Oh, and I need to organised my portfolio so its easy to hand over to other person soon.. -___-

Cold n Flu - Part II

Minggu lepas Z, minggu ni mama pulak.. Dari hari isnin lagi.. Grrrrrrr!!!

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Disebabkan minggu lepas mama dah cuti banyak hari (3.5 days) maka minggu ni mama terpaksa juga ke opis sebab banyak kerja tertangguh. Lagipun minggu depan dah cuti kismes.. Kalau tak, dah lama mama ambik MC.. huhuhu

Anyway, Alhamdulillah sekurang2nya mama takde lah demam teruk.. Masih boleh bekerja, cuma rasa berat betul kepala nih n telinga pun macam pekak jer.. bukan macam, memang hampir pekak pun.. tension jer bila bercakap dengan orang lain..

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Oh and Z is 100% recover now.. Back to his own self Alhamdulillah... :)

Berbalik pada cuti, mama dah guna 9 hari cuti untuk sessi 13/14. Ada balance 17 hari jer lagi until Sept next year. Harap2 plan untuk next year menjadi, kalau tak, camner nak balik Msia nih... Waaaaaa!!!!

Cold n Flu Season

I HATE winter! Dark n freezing. Kalau ada snow and bright n sunny day tu tak pe la jugak, but here in Ireland snow malu2 jer nak keluar. Hujan batu jer lebih. And windy. Sejuk Gelap Pekat.

Anyway bukan itu cerita utama harini. But related. Z is sick again ;(

Sejak hari sabtu he started having cough and flu. Then Ahad petang he has temperature. Bukan sikit2, terus start with 39C. Tapi he was still active as usual. Malam tu bangun 2-3 kali jugak, mama check temperature dah 40C!

Day 1, still ceria walaupun sedikit melepek

Isnin mama off. Pagi2 temperature dia tak teruk sangat, still within 38C. Mama hantar Z ke sekolah kejap pagi tu (2 hrs) sebab mama kena pegi Embassy ambik passport baru. Petang dah naik balik suhunya.. 39++C, but sikenit masih boleh main2 n joget2 depan tv. Ok la tu kot. Mama bagi Calpol jer sebab Paralink n Nurofen dah habis. Dah lama Z tak demam2, terlupa nak stock up. Malam tu suhu naik ke 40C lagi.. Mama start sponging, turun sikit suhunya.. Makan pun dah kurang.. 4-5 kali jugak kena bangun n repeat sponging n clear kan his nose..

Selasa pun sama, but this time he was really tired. Tak main sangat and duduk n baring jer bila tengok TV. Mama tinggalkan kejap (10 mins) pagi tu p pharmacy depan rumah, beli Paralink n Nurofen. Selalu kalau bagi Paralink, cepat je turun suhu, but this time macam takde effect pun. Petang tu dah start cranky, nak berdukung jer.. Main pun tangan sebelah kena pegang mama. Mama bangun pegi dapo or toilet pun dia melalak.. Susah hati betul lah..

Kalau di Malaysia, confirm dari hari Isnin tu lagi mama dah bawak ke clinic, but kat sini selagi belum 3 hari demam, diorang memang tak akan buat apa2 pun.. Kalau pegi pun dapat antibiotic jer pun.. bukan ada ubat khusus untuk demam, batuk, selsema macam kat Msia. So apa lagi yang mama boleh buat? Just try my best to make him comfortable jer laa..

Day 3: Memang melepek jer.. :(

Selasa malam tu, temperature still very high. pakaikan dia onesie jer, tapi tengah musim sejuk kan.. kesian la dia kesejukan. Papa balik, terus bukak tingkap semua sampai ke tengah malam.. Ya Allah.. tak sampai hati mama.. Bergaduh jugak dengan papa semalam. Yes, i got it, we have to reduce the temperature, by cooling down the temperature. Tapi sekarang ni musim sejuk. Outside was 0-5 degree. Mama dah baca, kalau temperature sekeliling terlalu sejuk pun x boleh, sebab our body will produced the heat from inside. Takde gunanya! macam juga sponging, mana boleh letak air sejuk. LUKE WARM WATER! Hish, seriously (some) doctors nowadays should really think outside the box. Jangan ambik sebijik2 from the ancient book. Huhuhu! Semalam keja mama tutup tingkap, then papa p bukak tingkap. Buka tutup, buka tutup jer.. OK fineee! U r the doctor. But suhu Z masih sama macam tu jugak. Bila anak sakit ni, memang stress la mak pak dibuatnya..

Anyhoo, today papa plak take turn jaga Z. Mama ke opis. Pagi tadi dah bawak Z ke clinic, dapat antibiotic sebab chesty cough. (batuk teruk semalam ---- sebab papa bukak tingkap!!!! Grrrrrr!!!)

Hopefully Z will recover very soon.. Kesian sangat tengok dia yang dah terlepek tu.. :( Besok ada appointment ENT dekat hospital, kena cancel la nampaknya..

Lagi satu, banyak giler keje 2 hari off, kalau esok pun mama kena cuti lagi, kompem colleagues mama ngutuk blakang.. abihtu, nak buat camno.. Mama lagi risaukan kesihatan Z kot. Memang ler it just cold n flu, tapi takkan ler mama nk hantar dia ke sekolah dalam keadaan mcm tu. Kesian Z :(

TGIF

What a hectic weeks lately! Tak sedar pun dah Friday. Seriously busy at work. Hate it so much! Especially when people dont appreciate you. Macam nak hand over resignation straight away jer.. Grrrr..!! started to think that coming back to work fulltime (with the intention to clear out my back log) is a stupid idea altogether. Should just leave it with them to look after it. I dont owe anything to them actually ;((

Tetiap hari is a rush. Z has to be in school until 6.30pm everyday. Tu pun papa yang ambik, mama pukul 8 baru sampai rumah. Sedih teramat. Quality time with Z entah kemana, therapy and all pun entah kemana. And the worst thing is I know he wasn’t happy in the crèche. Kalau hari yang mama pegi ambik (sebab papa balik lambat), I can see he was soo tired, soo comot and sometime with an empty stomach. I pay the crèche about 1/3 of my salary every month, and this is how he being treated?? It really is not worth it..Geram sangat. But the thing is, it just their common practise. semua budak pun comot. the different is Z can not express himself like other kids. other kids when they are hungry, they will shout. when they are bored, they will find some other amusement. But Z..? What can he do?

Sorry Z.. Mama have promised you that it’ll only happen for 2 months, but actually now I have to work at least until end of this year. 2 more months to go, or maybe will be longer since I still haven’t event got the chance to submit my proposal/application. Sigh.. am so tired.