ENT, Hospitals & Anxiety

Z had ENT appointment on Monday. For once, I thought his anxiety level has improve for the last 3-4 months, but I was so wrong...

Last ENT appointment (Sept/Oct last year) wasnt that bad actually. He did cry a bit when the doctor examine him, but that was it. Takde lah sampai meraung2. Tapi kali ni, he was crying as soon as we enter the consultant room! And the consultant room happen to be the same room as Mr Samy (Surgeon)' room. Sebelum nih jumpa doctor (registrar) on a different room, probably thats why he was ok..

Memang tiap kali jumpa Mr Samy Z akan melalak mcm nampak antu.. Mr Samy is a very nice surgeon actually, dia pun heran kenapa Z asik melalak tiap kali jumpa dia. Mama bagitau la sebab Z ada anxiety expecially bila jumpa strangers, walaupun pelik jugak sebab dia mcm ok jer kalau jumpa doctor lain. But it makes me realised 1 thing now, Z is still having trauma from his surgery last year! It does makes senses now. Patutla dia asyik melalak tiap kali pegi out patient dept sebab kat situ la dia slalu jumpa Mr Samy. And he remembered Mr Samy, Mr Samy is not a stranger to him, but probably somebody that make him 'suffer'.

Aaahh poor Z. Bila di ingat kembali saat Z before surgery last year, memang mama rasa nak peluk Z ketat2. Not the actual surgery yg Z takut. He was knocked out during the surgery, so he wont remember. But the day before that (and of course the whole 3 weeks hospital stay in general), when they want to find out about the blockage. He was wide awake at that time. They rushed him to emergency recess room, then poke him all over the place to empty his tummy. He was screaming so loud at that time. Mama plak hanya mampu berdiri di hujung bilik sambil melalak. After that he was rushed back and forth to the x ray room with camera IN his tummy, with coloured liquid IN his tummy and segala macam test lagilah ---- while he's wide awake! Honestly, mama pun trauma bila kenangkan the situation, apetah lagi Z.. Masih terngiang2 di telinga mama Z menjerit2 'awayyyy!! awayyyyy!! gwayyy!!' yes, he cant speak, but that's exactly his word at that time. actually for the whole 3 weeks stay in the hospital. Tiap kali dia nampak nurse or doctor datang jer, mesti dia jerit 'gwayyy!!'.

Day 5 Post SBO Operation

Memula mama heran jugak, apa yang Z jeritkan. Asik ulang mende yang sama jer, and its a new words, very different to his regular babbling. Bila Mairead (Home Teacher) datang the next day, dia yg bagitau mama OMG, I think he say 'Go Away!' . We never heard the words again since he's out of the hospital. So he really meant what he said.. Mairead informed Maeve (Psychologist) about that, and she thinks Z must has traumatic experience when he was in NICU, that's where the anxiety comes actually. Pelik juga, takkan la umo 2-3 hari dah boleh ingat (he was in NICU for 16 days), apparently it could come subconciously according to Maeve..

Day 2 of life - Post DA Operation

Back to ENT appointment, this time for his hearing. Dah 2 kali pegi buat hearing test in clinic North George's St (not hospital), but wasnt successful because Z wont cooperate or in other word, Z was crying! So they refer us to hospital, with the hope that ENT team here could perform the test. Which is not. But at least this time they could do pressure test, and it was confirmed that he had fluid behind his ears. The Consultant still want to have the hearing test result before he could decide putting a grommet. So we have to reschedule the test in 6 weeks time. 

Z during ABR test in Gleneagles, Msia summer 2012

Next time the test will be performed in a separate building, so hopefully Z tak akan phobia sangat. Mama plan nak lalu ikut jalan belakang, then straight to the test room. According to ENT, kalau tak berjaya jugak next time, she will dicuss few other option that we can do for the tes involving GA kot.. Tengok ler camner.. hearing could impact his speech and also his balancing skill! Walaupun his ABR (auditory brain response) test is ok, but the blockage/fluid could impact his hearing. Mama tahu Z boleh je dengar most of the time, but we just dont know at what level. Mama nak rule out all other problem first before we go to autism route.

Big Boy

Naik flight dah tak perlu di riba :) Sebelum nih time take off and landing masih kena riba, tapi sekarang tidak lagi. He really enjoyed looking through the window, fall asleep straight after take off. 

This was last week.

Sepanjang dalam flight pun he was well behave and wont mind wearing the seatbealt. Ada satu masa tu, time preparing for landing (and there was traffic in Dublin airport, so flight kena berlegar for quite sometime jugak), cabin air pressure was very low. Mama pun pening and sakit kepala yang tak terhingga (it always happen when I travel with flu). Mama rasa Z pun mengalami perasaan yang sama, mama tengok Z sangat tak selesa. Sekejap pusing sana, sekejap pusing sini, sekejap menonggeng, mama bagi susu pun tak nak - but he wasnt even crying! 

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU SON :D

Nanti lah mama update citer percutian nih.. :)

Autism / GDD

We've done our evaluations (4 sessions) with the Psychologist, not for autism - but for Global Development Delay instead. According to Maeve (the Psychologist) it is quite difficult to do autism assesment on Z at the moment because he is too young, however if the signs still persistence in 1-2 years then they will do the test for autism.

We have received the report last week and to no surprise, Z is significantly delayed in term of his developement. Banyak kali Maeve tanya mama, are you surprise with the result? No, of course not. I know he is delayed long ago, that's why I am worry and thats why the issue about autism arised and that also the reason why I took unpaid leave.

The good thing is (according to Maeve), she thinks some of his autism signs has dissappeared. If based on her initial assesment 6/7 months ago, Z does tick a lot of boxes for autism. Now only few issues left and most of it can be explained by his developmental delayed. For example hands flapping. Katanya babies memang suka shake their hands and arms when they excited.. ok.. (as far as I remember, Z's has been doing this since he was 10 months I think). Then pointing, baby memang tak pandai pointing lagi.. hmm.. ok make sense.. So basically Z is still at a baby stage (10-16 months), that's why he do and can not do what he supposed to do. And the fact that he has improved a lot for the last couple of months, meaning he is able to learn, just the pace isnt the same as any other toddler or even to other DS kids.

So the plan is to continue support him, more therapies, more exercise and hopefully he will reach his milestones soon.

Alhamdulillah, mama rasa berbaloi penah lelah mama for the last 7/8 months. Yes he is significantly delay, but he does improved a lot. Autism is only a diagnosis, a label. I am working on the symptoms. It doesnt matter what the label is. I hope Z will reach his full potential and I believe he will. And of course I will continue to do the very best for him :)

peace.. :)

First Salon Haircut

Sabtu mama bawak Z pegi gunting rambut - for the first time - di kedai. Mama nak dia gunting betul2 pendek, tapi org tu gunting pendek sikit jer.. Lebih kurang mama buat jer.. Rugi duit n air mata Z jaa.. Tak pe la, first experience for Z hehe.. 

Masa mula2 sampai tu, mama biarkan Z melayan ride peppa pig kat luar. Bila tiba giliran Z, baru masuk dalam. Masuk2 jer terus melalak.. Ada 4 seat (cars n plane) then setiap seat ada tv kat depan. Diorang kasik belon n pasang peppa pig, bila Z macam dh calm down sikit, baru helen start. 

Of course la dia melalak semula lepas tu.. Mama suruh helen carry on jer, he wont stop crying. Walaupun Z melalak, at least dia tak meronta2. cuma tangan tu kadang2 libas sana sini jugak la.. Hehe mesti pressure jer aunty helen tu gunting rambut Z. Senget2. Memang tak berpuas hati. Tapi pendek la jugak.. 

Actually sejak seminggu ni mama perasan rambut Z banyak gugur. Memula tu mama tak kisah sangat, maybe biasa jer kot ada musim2 rambut gugur (ada ke?). 

Tapi last 3-4 days ni macam bertambah teruk jer.. Kalau bangun tido tu mesti ada kat bantal n tilam. Dalam bath tub pun. Kalah rambut mama.. Kalau sikat pun mesti ada jer kat sikat. Sebelum nih x pernah nampak pulak.. Dekat jaket pun ada.. 

Something is not right here, so macam biasa i started googling.. Masih belum habis membaca lagi. But hair lost happen to about 10% in DS. 

Mama dah start risau nih.. Hopefully its not alopecia areata (AA). Harap2nya hanyalah sebab irritatation kat scalp. Sebab Z memang slalu garuk2 kepala, especially lepas mandi. Allergic to something or maybe just heat. Sekarang nih summer kan, panas sikit. Dia memang selalu ada masalah kulit time2 summer..

Hopefully rambut dah pendek nih, gatal2 dan ketidakselesaan Z akan berkurangan.. Tapi kalau still gugur jugak lepas nih, kenalah jumpa doctor..

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2 tahun 10 bulan

Dah dekat 3 tahun dah anak mama.. dah lama mama rasa tak update pasal development Z.

Berat: 10.9kg (latest)

Tinggi: 89cm (April)

In term of skills, mama rasa in the last 2-3 months Z has improve a lot. Sekarang nih sedang galak memanjat. semua tempat dia nak memanjat. Cruising pun makin jauh. InsyaAllah, harapnya tak lama lagi Z boleh berjalan la.. Haritu physio Emer datang and buat full asessment. Dia cakap in term of physical, Z memang tak ada masalah (except the low tone of course). His legs are fine, his posture is perfect, his spine also good. Mama risau la takut dia ada flat feet ke, curvy spine ke.. because all those could affect his walking ability. Alhamdulillah everything is ok. Cuma dia jer yang tak nak berjalan lagi. Manja. He has no interest to explore around, that's why dia tak nak berjalan.

Speech pulak, Z dah banyak babbling sekarang nih. Sejak awal tahun ni memang bertambah tambah bising mulutnya. Tapi still tak de words keluar. Sebut mama pun belum. But he likes to sing (not so much in tune) to his favorite song. Twinkle-twinkle little star.. Dora.. Head & Shoulder.. Old McDonald.. etc.. kalau those songs keluar kat TV or mama nyanyi, mesti Z akan turut serta; dalam bahasa dan irama dia la.. but I noticed the sound he makes is always the same. So memang dia menyanyi la..

Anxiety pun dah improve a lot. Z dah tak menangis di sekolah. Pagi mama hantar (sejak hari pertama ke sekolah after surgery) dah takde drama air mata. Cikgu pun dah tak perlu nak dukung Z. Biar jer dia merayap merata kelas.Dengan home teacher, Mairead pun Z dah ok, walaupun di rumah. Paling aneh 2 minggu lepas appointment dengan Kerri SLT. Sebelum ni Z kalau nampak Kerri macam nampak hantu. Infact, appointment dengan Kerri la the first time when I noticed Z has strangers anxiety. Ingat lagi tahun lepas, dia punya melalak.. mama pun nak tumpang sekaki. Since then, jumpa jer Kerri, memang tak payah pujuk la, meraung jer kejanya. But 2 minggu lepas, for the first time, at home pulak tu, Z tak melalak!!! bukan tu aje, siap ajak Kerry main bola lagi. Bila Kerry nak balik, baru dia melalak - tak bagi Kerry balik sebab nak main bola. AMAZING! 

Di sekolah

Masa jumpa Maeve (Psych) re austism (nanti la mama update pasal nih), dia tanya do you think his anxiety level now is reducing, because he is really recovering or because he just get use to those people? That's make me realised.. Actually bila jumpa orang baru (eg: ENT) Z still melalak. strangers menyapa di tengah jalan pun Z tak layan. Pegi tempat baru pun Z masih melalak. So he still has anxiety, but the level might have lowered and the reason his life is much more calmer is because he just know or get use to a lot of people now. His circle of trust is expanding.. Tak per la, at least ada improvement kan... :)

I now focusing on his hearing. Walaupun his ABR test comes out normal (20-30 db), but mama tak rasa Z dengar dengan sempurna. Dah 2 kali jumpa ENT. The first one, tak dapat buat apa pun sebab Z melalak and he got bad congestion as well. Last week jumpa lagi, dah boleh la test sikit. But he still not cooperate much. Plus his ear canal is too narrow, doctor tu tak dapat nak access betul2. But she thinks he has fluid in his middle ear. But he never had any ear infection. Dia cakap tak semestinya kalau ada fluid, kena infection. Banyak jer kids yang not even realised they had fluid in their ear. He probably had those since he was little, he already get used to that and the sound surrounding. No wonder he is not able to say any words. Papa pun jadi 'wawa'. because that's how he heard it. 

Masa first time jumpa ENT dulu (early May) dia suggest letak olive oil untuk clear the wax. Mama dah try banyak kali prior to 2nd appointment. Memang takde apa langsung yang keluar. Dia cakap maybe fluid tu dah keras dah, thats why tak boleh cair.. So she has refer us to ENT surgeon. Z might need grommet/tube on his ear.

the appointment will be in Augus - kebetulan Z dah dapat appointment untuk his tonsil (re sleep problem), boleh sekali harung.. 

Sedih jugak mama rasa sebenarnya.. 'If' his hearing was sorted earlier, he probably wont have much problem with speech now.. Hearing test normally done when they were 3 months old. tapi Z dah pindah randah.. Pastu susah giler nak masuk health system kat sini.. Everything is delayed. ABR test tu pun buat with private masa balik bercuti di malaysia last year. Kesian Z.. Dia boleh la dengar, cuma bende yang dia dengar tu lain jer la.. That's why he is confused and wont be able to pronounce it.

Tak per la, better late than never.. I dont think I can wait until August. August nanti examination jer dulu. kalau betul, ntah bila pulak surgery nya (some people on DS ireland forum say they have to wait 3-6 months just to get that tiny grommet surgery..) I read from few other forum, some people recommend EARDOC, katanya boleh membantu open up the midle ear and loosen up the wax/fluid. So mama dah oder semalam. Hopefully membantu and tak perlukan surgery. Tapi mama rasa ear wax Z tu dah keras batu dah kot.. tak sure la berkesan ke dak.. tengok ler macam mana nanti.. yang penting kita berusaha yer dak?

Teeth Grinding -Video

Watching Peekaboo.. Kelakar sangat kot bagi dia 😆

Dengar giginya berbunyi? ALL THE TIME 😖
Oh and noticed the hands flapping?

Testing from BlogPress Apps.. yeay! dah boleh upload video ;)

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sambungan kisah tidur..

Semenjak lepas jumpa Paed (n dietitian) Isnin haritu, Z macam kurang sihat.. Mama suspect sebab banyak nangis sangat haritu... suhu badan dia circa 38C camtu.. takde la panas sangat but memang demam la.. dia takde la nampak macam sakit.. cuma kurang active jer.. Doctor kata jangan risau sangat pasal temperature kalau dia masih active and makan/minum mcm biasa.. Tapi sehari dua ni Z tak nak minum susu. nak habiskan 1 oz pun jenuh berperang.. mama dah makin risau ni, especially bila dia x poopoo for the last 2-3 days. Makan ok jer la, but still kurang sikit berbanding sebelum nih..

Anyway, mama sebenarnya nak catitkan pengalaman Z bangun malam sebagai rujukan dikemudian hari. Actually supaya mama tak lupa bila kena bagi history kat doctor nanti.. kebetulan semalam Z tak tido malam lagi, sementara masih fresh ni, baik mama catit.. mungkin sebab tak berapa sihat kot.. atau mungkin sebab lain..

Selalunya pukul 9 malam Z dah start golek2 atas tilam dah.. Mama bagi susu, nyanyi2 zikir2 sikit, tido lah dia.. Malam tadi pukul 10.30 baru Z tido. Dia memang tak nak minum susu, so lama la sikit mama nak kena berzikir.. Mama perasan sekarang dia suka masukkan ibu jari dalam mulut then humming or sometime bubbling ntah hape2.. matanya tertutup tapi mulut berbunyi.. kaki tangan semua pun active. Mama rasa habit ni lah yg menyebabkan dia tak boleh tidur.. although there could be some reason behind his behaviour.. but mama notice kalau mama cuba divert his action, macam urut2 tangan dia ke (dia akan refused and try to continue putting his hand into his mouth) lama2 dia akan stop and tertidur.. So pukul 10.45 camtu jugak la baru dia tidur..

Pukul 11.30 mama angkat masuk bilik, then mama bagi susu.. dia minum sikit.. then sambung tidur. Pukul 12 lebih mama pun bersiap2 nak tidur. (papa oncall). Elok jer mama terlelap, dalam pukul 12.45 Z bangun. Mula2 dia berpusing2 jer.. sambil humming of course. Mama tepuk2 tak jalan jugak.. cuba tarik tangan dia pun x berkesan.. lapar kot sebab memang tak minum susu langsung malam tu.. mama cuba bagi susu lagi. dia minum tak sampai 1 oz then tido..

Pukul 2 Z bangun lagi. kali ni memang bangun n duduk. 2-3 kali jugak dia bangun duduk bangun duduk.. Mama dah ngantuk tersangat dah, layan tak layan jer la.. cuba bagi susu pun tak jalan.. mama tepuk2 jer la.. but then mulut dia bising betul.. ntah hape2 dia bebel sambil mata tertutup..
(mama tension dah tahap gaban dah time ni, selalunya kalau papa ada, mama tinggal jer Z n pegi tido bilik sebelah.. i am a very light sleeper, bunyi sikit pun tak boleh tido, pastu kalau dah bangun memang berzaman ler baru boleh tido balik. papa pulak bom jatuh sebelah pun dia boleh sambung tido jer.. lagipun dia memang pakar bab2 berjaga malam ni. senang bangun n senang tidur, so memang sesuai tugasan utk jaga Z malam2 hihihi)

Mama pun tak sure pukul berapa Z or mama tido sebab memang kepala ting tong sangat.. but then pukul 3.55 Z bangun lagi.. Mama sedar, tapi memang dah tak larat sangat dah nak tepuk2 or pujuk2.. mama biar jer dia berpusing2 humming2.. pukul 4.15 Z dah start melalak.. mama pun nak tumpang melalak ler jadinya.. Memang kesabaran dah tahap kulit bawang. mama marah Z. lagi la Z melalak.. mama konon2 merajuk then sorok bawah duvet.. lagila kuat dia melalak.. dah cool down sikit barulah mama pujuk Z semula.. teresak2 dia menangis.. ya Allah kesian sangat.. tapi geram pun yer.. biol pulak bila difikirkan.. apa kes mama nak marahkan Z. bukan dia sengaja bangun.. Mesti Z pun mengantuk, tapi x boleh tido..

So mama duduk and pangku Z.. dia still jugak humming sambil gigit2 ibu jari.. mama rasa dia x boleh tutup mulut la, x boleh bernafas kot.. tu pasal dia masukkan ibu jari sambil humming utk clearkan pernafasan.. mama sapukan vicks.. rasanya pukul 5.30 baru Z betul2 tidur, so mama baringkan dia n mama pun tido..

Selalunya mama kejutkan Z pukul 7.30, tapi pagi ni kesian sangat tengok dia tido. mama biar jer la.. pukul 8.45 baru mama kejutkan.. pukul 10 baru mama sampai office pagi tadi. nasib baik bos2 ada meeting ;).

Mama rasa Z mesti kepenatan di sekolah harini.. mama pun mengantuk tersangat lepas lunch tadi nih.. sigh.. kenapa yer? Macam mana nak selesaikan masalah ni.. Mama kena cari lebih info la.. Mama tak kisah sangat mama tak cukup tidur ni.. kadang2 jer berlaku scene macam semalam.. selalunya kalau dia bangun pun, mama tepuk2 sikit, tidur la dia.. Tapi memang ada la ketikanya yang dia akan bangun sepanjang malam..

Even sekejap2 pun tak bagus sebenarnya.. children need enough sleep. Itu lah masanya diorang membesar. Masa check up dengan Paed haritu, tinggi Z for the past 6 months adalah sama. Maksudnya tiada growth in 6 months. That's something we should pay attention to. Doctor kata its ok, sebab masa check up sebelum tu tinggi Z naik mendadak - growth spurt. so maybe this is time for him to slow down a bit. Tapi x de lah sampai x de growth langsung kan..

Mama minta maaf yer sanyang.. Mama marah2 Z semalam.. Kalau bab mengantuk ni mama memang diluar kawalan sikit.. InsyaAllah nanti mama cari penyelesaiannya ok..

Mama sayang Z ketat2!!

Home Teaching @ School

Semalam Mairead (Home Teacher) call mama. Dia ada sessi dengan Z di skolah. And she was dying to update mama about the positive progress they had in school :D

Katanya dia sampai pukul 10.30 camtu and Z tengah didukung oleh cikgu Aoife sambil merengek2. (masa mama tinggalkan dia pagi tadi, memang dia melalak pun..) Minggu lepas kan cikgu cuti, so harini dia macam x berapa nak click sangat la dengan cikgu. Nampak2 jer Mairead, terus dia hulurkan tangan nak suruh Mairead dukung. Memang pelik, 2 minggu lepas masa Mairead datang (Full House) kan Z melalak2.. tapi time tu ramai sangat orang kot, that's why la dia upset..

According to Mairead, sessi kali ni sangat2 berbeza. Z bukan saje tak melalak, malahan dia dah kenal Mairead and mahu bekerjasama. Sepatutnya sessi dia sejam jer, tapi sebab best sangat Mairead stay sampai 90 mins. Tak sampai hati nak tinggal katanya. Memula sampai dia ajak baca buku. few books jugak la termasuk buku yang Mairead buat khas (ada gambar2 yang related dengan Z, i.e. sekolah, cikgu, papa n kawan2.. ) Pastu main blocks, pastu main blow2 kipas n macam2 lagi.. kawan2 lain pun join, and he didn't mind :). sambil2 main sambil nyanyi2 Z suka lagu humpty dumpty katanya. Setiap kali dia habis menyanyi mesti Z suruh lagi, so Mairead ajar sign 'again' and 'finish'. Hopefully nanti Z pandai sign la.. pastu Mairead kata Z asik sebut WAWA and AAH.. and he also likes 'horse' and 'cow'. mama citer la Z mmg suka mama make sound horse n cow. dia akan turn to those page over and over and look at mama n suruh mama bunyi :). Memang excited la Mairead bercerita.. katanya lagi sepanjang sessi tu, tangan Z atas peha dia jer.. bonding sungguh!

Anyhoo, Mairead sangat2 berpuas hati. Cikgu Aoife and Laura pun kagum tengok Z happy. Mairead nak diorang tahu yang Z sebenarnya ada banyak kebolehan and hopefully they will try to help him reach his full potential. Z boleh buat banyak benda di rumah, tapi bila ke sekolah, dia lebih suka bersendiri and clingy dengan cikgu dia. Dia cakap Z terlalu attach sangat dengan mama, sebatu lah bila mama takde dia akan sedih.. He dont trust other people. Plan dia supaya lepas ni Z akan lebih enjoy di sekolah and start making friends. Harap2nya lepas ni Z akan lebih ceria di creche.. Takde la mama susah hati nak tinggalkan Z di sekolah nanti..  Hopefully we could overcome his anxiety soon. Next time dia akan bawak Maeve (Psychologist) datang tengok Z.

Mairead ada buat buku pasal sekolah. Dia suruh mama tunjuk kat Z n talk about it all the time... Hopefully Z akan lebih familiar dgn skolah dia n will feels safe there.

Wobbler Safari Class

Alhamdulillah.. Syukur sangat.. Mama sangat terharu dan berterima kasih dengan Mairead..Ada jugak orang yang begitu sincere nak bantu Z. Walaupun dia cakap that's her duty to do that, tapi banyak beza orang yang buat kerja semata2 kerana duit or because they love what they are doing kan.. 

Full House

Semalam first day mama as a part time SAHM.. (nak jugak mention tu kan.. :P)

Z ada appointment pukul 4.15 so mama plan sempat la kot nak kuar shopping kejap tengah hari tu.. Sekali pukul doblas baru mama habis mengemas dan mandikan Z, lunch tak prepare lagi. Z mesti nak nap dulu sebab pukul 1 mmg waktu tido dia.. memang tak sempat la nak keluar..

Nak sikat rambut pun susah..

Padehal bangun awal sama mcm hari kerja jer, punya la banyak mende nak buat huhuh.. lagipun ada orang nak datang rumah kan, kena la make sure rumah betul2 kemas (kemas la sangat..) tak per la, esok la pulak kita keluar shopping2 yer Z..

Oh, believe it or not, this is the first time mama duduk rumah berdua jer dengan Z! (I mean for a whole day) Mama pun baru realised. sebelum ni kan ada bibik, kompem2 la dia ada dirumah sepanjang masa kan.. even kalau on holiday pun, mesti ada papa.. so x pernah lagi lah mama kena 'tinggal' berdua jer dengan Z. kalau keluar tu lain la citer kan.. wow.. anak dah umo dekat 2 tahun setengah baru dapat spend time alone dengan mama kan.. kesian.. (-___-)

Ayu tak saye? hihihi.. pipi merah kena eczema lor sejuk2 nih..

Pasal appointment semalam pulak, yang datang Mairead (Home Teacher), Val (Dietitian) and Rianna (Physio Therapy). 

Val datang sebab doctor Murnaghan yang suruh. Kan dia bising2 haritu cakap Z dah underweight.. bila check Z punya berat 10.5kg. Val kata Z takde la underweight yang merisaukan.. sebab his growth chart still on the same line as before jer.. cuma sebab Z tinggi berbanding dengan berat dia, sebab tu Dr Murnaghan bising.. Dia kata its quite difficult for Z to gain weight sebab Z tak makan finger food or any textured food yet. Val suruh tambah protein dalam makanan Z. the easiest way is by adding fat. protein banyak dlm fat. Tambah 1 tea spoon minyak (olive/veg) pun dah ok sbb 1 sudu bersamaan dgn136 calorie dah katanya.. (eh, mama pun tak pernah kire brp calorie perlu diambik..). semenjak balik ni mmg mama dah letak 1 sudu sunflower butter dlm nasik Z. rasa lemak berkrim gitu.. pastu kadang2 mama buat nasik lemak utk Z. santan mmg bagus utk badan kita katanya.. so teruskan jer la.. jangan lepas ni Z jadi gedebob sudah.. dah la lately dia mmg suka makan.. satu mangkuk penuh (penuh sampai atas yer) dia boleh habiskan.. pastu bila mama cakap finish, mesti mengamuk.. dulu susu nak habiskan botol 4 oz tu pun payah.. sekarang (since xenotransplant actually) 6-7 oz pun dia boleh habiskan sekali hadap jer.. tapi berat still maintain, ok la kot..

 

While mama berdiskusi dengan Val, Mairead plak 'bermain' dengan Z. Tapi Z melalak jer lebih sambil bergantung kat kaki mama.. sabar jer laa.. maybe dia ingat Mairead nak bawak dia g skolah kot.. sebab last week Mairead dtg skolah Z. Dia jumpa teacher aoife sambil 'ajar' Z. Mairead kata masa dia kat sekolah tu, mmg nampak Z really unhappy. he looked tired and stress katanya.. sedih mama dengar :( hopefully Z penat sebab the long journey back from msia jer la.. (Dia pegi hari isnin, kami sampai hari ahad). lagipun pagi tu Z bangun tido pukul 4.50am! hopefully on other days he is enjoying his school :(. Mairead pun tanya apa plan mama lepas ni (apart from the part time leave). nak teruskan hantar Z ke creche ker? abistu, apa lagi option yg mama ada.. mama kena keje.. dia suggest find another baby sitter perhaps? sigh.. entah la.. honestly mama lagi prefer kalau Z pegi skolah drpd duduk rumah dgn baby sitter yg ntah hapa2.. kalau dapat yg bagus ok la, tapi mana nak carik? 

Mairead kata dia dah apply Special Needs Assistance (SNA) for Z untuk September tahun depan. Tahun depan Z dah umo 3 tahun, so dia sepatutnya dah boleh masuk Playschool. (toddler class pun tak naik lagi nih..camno?) anyhoo, kalau dapat SNA mmg syukur sangat laa.. sekarang ni satu Ireland mmg kekurangan SNA (budget takde). anak kawan mama (Firaz) yg dah kompem autistic tu pun blom dapat SNA lagi. so far mummy firaz kata dia kena masuk kelas khas jugak.. padehal he is categorised as a high functional autism.. Mairead kata dia dah letak Z as 'special case' sebab dia kan maybe ada dual diagnosis jugak.. so hopefully chances for us to get SNA is higher la.. SNA akan bersama2 Z di sekolah the whole day. so confident la sikit nak hantar dia skolah biasa nanti kan.. Actually this is one of the main reason why mama prefer to stay here in Ireland..  InsyaAllah..semoga adalah rezeki Z nanti.. Amin..

Btw Rianna datang tak buat apa sangat pun.. dia sampai dah lambat (jem katanya). masa dia sampai tu Z baru jer nak ok dengan Mairead. sekali nampak plak org baru, apa lagi melalak balik la mamat sorang tu.. end up Mairead jer la yg dok layan Z. Rianna suruh panjat2 sofa pun, Mairead yg tolong sampaikan.. 

Jet Lag

Fuuhh! Fuuhh! Bersawang sudah blog ni.. Dari sebelum balik msia sampailah dah kembali.. Memang x sempat mama nak update. Nak cerita pasal balik msia pun, gambar still tak transfer. Nak transfer gambar pun x sempat, sebab balik rumah jer mesti nak tido.. 

Jet lag maa.. Malam semalam makan pun tak, padehal papa dah siap masakkan nasi lemak lagi.. (papa masih bercuti) Tapi mama lagi rela join tido dengan Z dalam kelaparan.. Z pun x makan malam. Penat mama kejut, keras macam kayu jer dia tido. Pukul 5 pagi, kami berdua bangun kelaparan. Papa suapkan Z, mama plak melantak nasi lemak di pagi buta. Just great..! Dah la masa balik msia haritu mama melantak tak mengenal masa.. Haih, camno la nk kuruskan badan mama ooiii..

Harap2 harini Z dapat tido lama sikit kat sekolah nun. Semalam cikgu kata Z tido sekejap jer.. Cranky jer lebih. Masa papa pegi ambik pukul 3.30 tu, mata Z dah mcm panda. Tapi dia refused to sleep. Yer la, kadang2 kalau ngantuk sangat mmg tak boleh tido kan? So, bila balik jer rumah, terus la dia tido sampai ke pagi.. 

Pukul 5 pagi, dia sibuk bermain :(

Agak susah nak train Z with time different sebenarnya.. Masa kat Msia, first few days Z cuma akan tido pukul 4 pagi! Pukul 4 pagi waktu Msia = pukul 8 mlm waktu dublin. Walaupun mama x kasik dia tido siang, still macam tu jugak.. Masuk minggu kedua baru Z tido awal sikit. Tu pun mesti pukul 12 ke atas. Now dah balik sini, nak kena tukar balik time tido dia ke asal. Mesti seminggu jugak baru ok nih. Nasib baik ler papa cuti, kalau tak pingsan la mama huhu..

Rasa Sayang Hey!

Semenjak dari dalam pantang hinggalah sekarang, 'nursery rhymes' yang mama nyanyikan ketika Z nak tido adalah lagu Rasa Sayang, Zikir dan lagu ciptaan sendiri berjodol 'Sayang Sayang Mama'. Memang these 3 'songs' lah yang mama akan nyanyikan berulang2 sampailah Z tertido.



Tapi semenjak 3-4 harini, tiap kali mama nyanyi lagu Rasa Sayang jer, mesti Z akan ketawa. Especially bila part '..yay!' kat belakang tu.. Mengekek2 dia ketawa :D. Heran btol mama, ntah apa la yang lucu sangat. Padahal dah 2 tahun lebih dh dok dengar lagu tu, baru perasan kelakar kot heheh..

So, instead of putting him to sleep, he will end up wide awake 0.o Lepas ni dah x leh nyanyi lagu ni time tido dah la nampak gayanyaa..



RASA SAYANG YAY

(Chorus) x2
Rasa sayang yay rasa sayang-sayang yay!
Yay lihat nona jauh rasa sayang-sayang yay..

Buah cempedak di luar pagar
Ambil galah tolong jolokkan
Saya budak baru belajar
Kalau salah tolong tunjukkan

(Chorus)x2

Dua tiga kucing berlari
Mana nak sama si kucing belang
Dua tiga boleh dicari
Mana nak sama Zachary_Aiman seorang..
(Marah betul dia kalau mama x sebut nama dia kat sini)

(Chorus) x2

Sorong papan tarik papan
Buah keranji dalam perahu
Suruh makan dia makan
Suruh mengaji dia tak mahu

(Chorus) x2

Pisang emas dibawa belayar
Masak sebiji di atas peti
Hutang emas boleh dibayar
Hutang budi dibawa ke mati

(Chorus) x2

Pulau pandan jauh ketengah
Gunung Daik bercabang tiga
Hancur badan dikandung tanah
Budi yang baik dikenang jua..

(Chorus) x2

Then ulang lagi dan lagi sampai dia tertido..

*actually mama ketandusan idea untuk pantun2 klasik yang popular.. 5 rangkap ni jer yang lekat dalam kepala mama (-___-)

Follow Up 26.5 months

Haritu update pasal ASD jer, now mama nak update pasal mende lain pulak.

Weight: 10.5kg (30th percentile)

Height: 88cm (91st percentile)

* DS Growth Chart

Z dah masuk kategori underweight. Selama nih around 40th-50th percentile, so doctor tak bising walaupun Z kurus. Now dia dh start bising and she will request the dietician to meet us again soon.. Berat Z mmg turun pun semenjak masuk skool, makan dah la sikit, then minum tak nak langsung. Doctor kata stakat minum 2 botol sehari dah ok dah.. Yer la, memang pun ok.. Cuma selama ni Z minum 6-7 botol sehari. Bila tetiba turun jadik 3-4 botol jer, kompem la berat dia pun turun kan.. pastu lak, makan memang kurang kat skolah nun.. demam2 yang berpanjangan lagi.. all in all, mama rasa ok jer alasan2 tu.. hihihih.. Anyway, doctor nasihatkan mama letak butter banyak2 dalam every meals untuk tambah fat. (Yuk!) Hmm.. Z nih makan nasik hari2, bukan pasta doctor oii.. celah mana pulak mama nak letak butter nih.. hmmm... but she reminds us yang the bigger (fatter) Z will be, the better his immune system.. hmm.. ok lah, mama carik resepi baru lah nanti..

Blood test, thyroid level, blood count  semua normal (ada sedikit abnormal with lymphocyte (darah putih), but that's due to viral infection).  Masih lagi ada sedikit sisa2 infection. Doctor nasihatkan suruh perhatikan Z. kalau dia dah sampai tahap tak mau makan or minum tu, maksudnya teruk lah tu.. kena kasik antibiotic jugak nanti. Tapi we dont want antibiotic for the next 6 weeks sebab nak buat stem cell treatment tu nanti.. so, better make sure Z tak demam teruk lah from now on..

Dr Murnaghan kata Z dah tak tunjuk sangat dah ciri2 strangers anxiety :). sebab dia x menangis sangat pun masa jumpa doctor. Menangis time doctor buat check up jer. apart from that he was behaved :)). Alhamdulillah.. after 6 months we started with variety of programme to overcome his anxiety, it does show favorable result :) --- (YAKIN BOLEH!)

Last week juga (Selasa) dah start with Home Teaching. Programme ni yang mama nanti2 kan sebenarnya. Masa memula register dengan SMH dulu, diorang kata akan bagi cikgu masa umo Z 18 bulan. Pastu government cut budget, so umo 24 bulan pulak.. end up, umo 26 bulan baru dapat. well..better late than never.

Home Teacher Z namanya Mairead. According to Dr Murnaghan, we got the best teacher from SMH :). So, Mairead akan jumpa Z every 2 week. Ni bukan lah cikgu yg datang mengajar academic.. but her area will involve every aspect of early learning. from communication, occupational, play, sing, routine, sensory. Anything related with Z akan jadi her responsibilities. sampailah Z masuk skolah nanti.

Pertemuan pertama haritu, we just set out our objectives. Mama nak Z start with sign language (mama pun kena lah p skolah), then feeding issue, pointing, gross n fine motor and sensory issue. Dia cakap dia akan jumpa Z di rumah and juga di skolah. At least dia boleh pantau apa yg cikgu Z buat kat skolah. Mama ok aje.. the best part is, Z tak melalak langsung pun masa jumpa mairead. Mairead ajak dia main2 n nyanyi2 pun dia layankan aje.. hehehe good boy :)

So, tu jer lah update terkini untuk mgu lepas.. banyak lagi nak update sebenarnya.. Mama sangat2 excited!! but I dont have that much time at the moment. Lg 2 minggu nak balik msia, banyak nak settle. so, will find sometime to update more later.

Oh 1 more thing, (penting nih!!) weekend haritu aunty meri n aunty rini datang melepak dirumah. Kakak Caroline pun ada lah. Diorang melepak dari tengah hari sampailah ke malam. Dah lama tak melepak lama2 camnih, memang berpuas hatilah kami. The main reason kenapa kami boleh melepak dengan tenang adalah..

Z was playing with Caroline!!!

Ok, takde lah sepanjang masa diorang bermain berdua.. sekejap2 jer pun.. Z nih kedekut sikit, pantang Caroline pegang toys dia, dia pun sibuk nk g rampas. huhuhu.. tapi yang paling penting Z sudah tak menangis!! YES!! Sebelum nih kalau diorang dtg melepak, mama end up kena duduk dlm bilik temankan Z sebab Z akan melalak tiap kali kitorang berborak. So diorang pun slalunya sekadar datang sejam dua, then balik jer la.. NOW not anymore! bersantai bergossip sampai ke malam. ada la juga ketikanya yg Z merengek2, terutama bila kami burst into laugh. but those are tolerable :). Apart from that dia either main2 or tengok tv tanpa menghiraukan orang2 asing disekeliling dia :)

WOW, mama masih tak percaya sebenarnya.. bukan jer mama, aunty meri n aunty rini pun. Aunty rini selalu complaint sebab tak pernah dapat main dengan Z. Jangankan main, nak tengok muka pun susah. Sekarang tidak lagi. Such a HUGE relief..

Alhamdulillah.. Lepas ni memang akan selalulah diorang datang melepak lagi.. takde lah mama pun tension jer terperuk di rumah :)

Dual Diagnosis? oh well.. :(

Just when you thought thing couldnt be any worst...

Mama dah lama noticed Z ada few signs of autisme, but I didn't really pay attention to it untill recently. So I thought I'll bring the matter to his paed. Since the past 2-3 days mama pun sibuklah membaca mengenai ASD dan DS and baru mama sedar, banyak jugak sign2 yang ada pada Z. Tapi mama pun tak pasti sebab those signs are overlapping with Down Syndrome anyway..

Well today, we have appointmet with Dr Murnaghan (Pediatrician). Lepas lebih kurang 45 mins buat routine check up, I told her my concern. Dr Murnaghan cakap she noticed that as well, tapi dia tak mau mention sebab takut mama risau.. Since mama dah bertanya, dia pun has to agree that Z does has some signs :(

Its quite difficult to confirm whether he has it or not.. Autisme more kepada psychology and behavioural. very subjective especially when he is still young. They have to do few tests just to confirm it. She will refer Z to few specialist for that, but it will take months before we could really assured.

No wonder he is quite delayed compared to other DS child. He has more than just Down Syndrome! Hopefully its just a mild autistic. Dr. Murnaghan cakap she sees few children with DS-ASD before and they grew out of it. Because they were diagnosed earlier and they got a lot of help from the beginning.. Hopefully Z will grew out of it as well..

Mama dah email Dato Halim (Z's Pediatrician in M'sia) jugak. He also remind me that autistic is more of a behaviour - that can be changed! Especially on Z's case where he believe only a mild one. Walaupun Z posses a lot of autistic signs, he still has a very good eye contact. That's the biggest hope as per both doctors...

I might be crying today (and tomorrow). But I will start on something very soon. We will get through this together I promise. Amin.. InsyaAllah.. Semoga Allah permudahkan perjalanan kita.

Mama loves you so much dear!

Pindah Randah

We finally moved in to our new place. Pindahnya petang Ahad, tapi up to now baru 60% unpacking done. SERABUT! Banyak giler barang!! Mama pun tak tau mana datangnya..*ehem*

Hari pindah.. Org2 mover tu main longgok jer semua benda ;(

Semalam mama ambik cuti sehari, just to settle few things.. Mainly nk clearkan living room.. Bukanlah unpacking sangat pun, more kepada rearrange all boxes ke tepi sikit jer.. Bagi lapang sikit area tv tu.. Bukan apa, semenjak pindah, Z sangat GRUMPY! Yer lah, dah la new place, pastu pulak penuh dengan kotak2. Mama pun jadi claustrophobia. Nasib baik Isnin n Selasa tu Z pegi sekolah. So, x der lah dia tension sangat tengok semak samun di rumah tu.. But still, kat creche pun cikgu cakap dia grumpy. Balik rumah lagi lah.. Semua bende tak kena.. Tgk tv tak kena, bukak cd pun bukan, bukak ipad pun salah, dukung pun salah.. Adoii.. Pening mama.. Nak kemas pun x boleh sebab dia asik mengamuk.. Mama pun risau ntah2 Z tak suka ke rumah nih.. Sedih jugak lah mama sebab tujuan pindah pun untuk kemudahan Z..

Mr. Grumpy! Rambut bergerigi hihi

Alhamdulillah semalam dah better.. Rumah pun dah lapang sikit, Z pun dah tenang banyak.. Dia dah start exploring the house now. Sibuk tolong mama berkemas.. Pastu semua boxes dia nak panjat.. Adoii, lemah jantung mama tengok.. Hopefully this weekend boleh settle semua barang, and we can go back to our routine and of course enjoying our new place.. Aminn..

Meet New Psychologist

Last week mama dapat call dari Maeve, the new Psychologist for St Michaels's House. She just want to get to know us and continue what ever we are doing with the previous psychologist - Karyn.

So semalam, mama ambik half day off and bawak Z ke SMH. Actually, we last met Karyn in July. Lots of action being taken eversince to overcome Z's anxiety. We've been to playgroup (Gymboree) and also starting slowly with creche. And for me, Z has shown massive improvement. So, that's what I've been telling Maeve. Unfortunately she doesnt have details on Z's history sebab katanya Karyn cuma leave a note to follow up with Z aje.. Tak kasik apa2 details pun.. Mama lah kena cerita dari mula hingga akhir apa yg kami dah buat so far..

Tengah tunggu bas

According to her observation, Z doesnt really shown any INTENSE anxiety pun, so she does praised mama for what we have done so far :D. Sebabnya semalam Z mmg tak nangis pun masa jumpa Maeve. Mama kasik dia main phone. So diam jer lah dia kat sebelah. Mama borak2 n ketawa2 pun dia buat tak layan jer.. Towards the end tu, ada la jugak dia start buat perangai, but biasa lah tu kata Maeve, toddler mana boleh duduk diam..

But mama still raised concern about Z's anxiety. It definitely does not go away 100% yet. In fact, mama rasa cuma 50% jer kot. Sebab, memang lah Z dah ok with stangers surrounding, tapi kalau di approach, dia masih lagi akan melalak. Kat sekolah pun, Z ok aje dengan cikgu n classmate dia. Tapi bila bercampur dgn budak kelas lain, mesti dia melalak jugak.. So, mama sangat2 berharap we can also overcome those anxiety as well (of course mama sangat2 bersyukur dah with his current improvement, but he needs to slowly overcome those anxiety anyway..)

Maeve pun concern jugak sebenarnya, sebab nanti bila dah start home teaching or speech therapy (which is soon), he will need to deal with the therapist one-on-one basis anyway. Kalau dah dia asik melalak jer, how can we optimised the therapy session. Maeve kata dia akan jumpa Kerry (SLT) and Mairead (Home Teacher) and will advise them on how to deal with Z when he is having his anxiety. Apart from that, dia juga suggest mama panggil sorang kawan mama and try to make Z become close to them (mama ngadu, Z mesti melalak tiap kali kawan2 mama dtg rumah huhuhu). So dia suggest kalau one of my friend boleh spend some time to do something that he like, contohnya baca buku ke, main bola/ bubbles ke.. Then it could slowly build up his relationship with them and could also give some dimension for him to trust othe people. Problem is, aunty rini n aunty chai tu bukan reti main dengan budak2 hahahah! Camner la agaknya diorang nk try tackle Z kan.. hmm.. Aunty meri plak busy with caroline pun.. Haiyoo.. Uncle adrian pandai la main dgn budak2 nih.. Kena ajak uncle adrian n aunty rini ke rumah selalu lah camni..

Happy nak naik bas ^-^

We will meet Maeve again in 2-3 weeks time just before we go home, so we can have another plan for family in Malaysia.

InsyaAllah, with all the changes that happen in the past 2 months, mama percaya Z akan dapat overcome his anxiety one day... Amin..

Oh, mama juga cerita dekat Maeve (sambil bergenang2 air mata) how frustrated and heartbroken I was few weeks ago bila Z melalak2 di creche. Dia tanya, then what makes you continue him with the creche? Actually I was nearly giving up. But I keep telling myself that this is for his own good, we 'll try for one month and Alhamdulillah, after 1 month he does improved a lot. I am very proud of him really :D and of course to my own self :D..

Quick update

After 1 month, Z finally enjoying his school!! Still tak mo minum or snacks, but did finished his lunch. Ok la tu, x risau sangat mama :)

And paling best, he is crawling! Kat rumah dia cuma crawling dekat2 jer, meniarap jer most of the time. Tapi kat skolah, other kids mostly dh berjalan pun, so he just have to keep with them la kot..

Masa mama g lawat time lunch tu, Z tgh tido, cikgu ckp Z dah makan, so mama biar jer lah dia tido (penat mama lari2 keluar opis awal dengan harapan Z blom tido huhu)

Anyway, even cuter, he has friends!! Jonathan n Leon n Mia of course. Kak yah kata masa sampai pagi tu, jonathan n mia terus dtg sambut Z. Bila k yah dtg ambik ptg nya, diorang kat taman. Kak yah kata Z tengah merangkak sambil kejar2 jonathan n leon who were also crawling! Soo cute! Diorang mmg dh boleh jalan pun, mesti saja2 crawling nk ikut Z :)

Tu sajelah update so far, mama busy with year end n house hunting!! Stresss!!

All About Me

Masa mama hantar Z ke sekolah hari Isnin minggu lepas, the manager Laura bagitau yang cikgu Magda dah resigned. Dissapointed jugak lah mama sebab Z memang dah ok sikit dengan Magda. Satu hal pula nak kena biasakan Z dengan cikgu baru :(. Then Laura perkenalkan mama dengan cikgu baru Z, Aoife. Katanya cikgu Aoife has degree in Early Education with major in Special Education. Hmm.. Impressive! Lega sikit mendengarnya.. Hopefully Z can get along really well with her. Tapi mama agak confuse sikit lah, sebab setahu mama, cikgu Aoife ni mengajar one of toddler class. Adakah ini hanya temporary arrangement or memang Laura sengaja tukarkan dia ke kalas Z to help him? 

Mama dapat rasakan bakal ada perubahan yang lain nanti.. Kebetulan pula, last week DS forum yang mama join tu ada membincangkan pasal 'All about me' letter to teacher and classmate's parent. Basically to give some background about the child and any issue related to him. I think it was a good idea. So mama pun buat lah untuk Z. Hopefully, teacher Aoife akan dapat kenal Z dengan lebih baik lepas nih. Plus kalau ada teacher2 lain yg kena look after Z, they also can get some info from it. 

I think this idea is quite brilliant for all children with disabilities who goes to normal school. They are different, so the teachers need to be fully aware of their differences. Now classmate Z masih lagi kecik, they probably wont see any different in him yet, but later on we might have to start explaining to them as well.. Memandangkan Z pun baru jer masuk sekolah, mama buat yang simple jer lah.. but as he progress, the information to be included will also grow. Ada few examples yang boleh di copy refer in future..

http://abrightersunshine.blogspot.ca/2012/08/cates-all-about-me-packet.html

http://caringriffith.blogspot.ie/2011/09/letter-to-2nd-grade-classmates-parents.html

Mama doakan semoga minggu ini Z akan bertambah ok di sekolah.. InsyaAllah..

note: tetiba Z demam pulak pagi ni.. so, x ke sekolah lagi lah jawabnya.. :(

Last Gymboree Class

Di sebabkan mama ada sedikit masa terluang di opis nih, mama update pasal last week dulu lah.. (Photos kat rumah, so x leh update pasal birthday and raya)

Still in good mood

Khamis lepas adalah kelas terakhir (so far) Z with Gymboree sebab mama cuma bayar untuk sebulan jer haritu. Next week dah start creche, so malas la mama nk continue lagi. Mama sedikit terkilan juga sebenarnya sebab Z sangat enjoy during the classes. Walaupun wasn't a good start, he does improved a lot from week to week. Masalahnya mama dah takde cuti nak bawak Z ke Gymboree, so terpaksalah kita berhenti buat sementara waktu nih. InsyaAllah, kalau ada rezeki, tahun depan mama bawak Z ke sana lagi yer..

Last week Z dapat bertahan dalam 45 minuets jugak. Last 15 minuets tu dia memang dah melalak la. Penat kot, so macam biasa mama bawak Z keluar awal bila dia dah start nangis. Ok lah, minggu sebelum tu, Z hanya bertahan untuk 30 minit. Well done sayang :)!!

More photos during his last class..

Happy :)

Dah start boring

Dah.. moh ler kita balik!
(Mengamuk sebab cikgu tiup bubbles ke arah lain (-__-)

Mama harap Z akan happy dan selesa di Giraffe nanti.. (berdebor2 mama nih!)

I Feel Bad...

Thursday macam biasa ada Gymboree class. Sebabkan minggu lepas Z terlalu amazing, minggu ni mama put higher expectation on Z’s behavior. Too ambitious! Akibatnya bila Z melalak selepas setengah jam, mama jadi sangat keciwa :(. Mama x de lah marah Z, but at the same time mama ignored Z’s demand for attention. Selalunya mama pujuk Z baik2, cuddling2 kalau Z melalak.. Instead mama paksa jugak Z join the class, which end up make things worst :(. At the end mama just grab Z and left early (10 mins before class finish). Mama memang sangat2 disappointed masa tu. Mama rasa mama dah berusaha bersungguh2 untuk membantu Z. in those short period, I just didn’t see why Z don’t want to cooperate.. Z nak cuddle2 pun mama malas nak layan.. terus call cab nak balik jer.. dalam cab Z tertidur sambil sedu sedan…

Bila Z dah tido, and suasana kembali tenteram, barulah mama realized what went wrong. Z MENGANTUK! that’s why he was cranky. Malam sebelum tu dia tido lambat, and paginya mama kejutkan awal sebab nak pergi sekolah awal (ambitious!). sampai 15 minits early, Z dah excited and merayap2 seluruh kelas dah. Mama pun excited, terus put him on slides and stairs. Half of his energy gone by the time class started. Lepas introduction n nyanyi2 tu lah baru dia start cranky.. mama pula expect him to be ok throughout the class, so mama buat2 x paham jer bila Z nampak dah penat. Masa tu mama memang keciwa sangat. Mama betul2 berharap Z akan enjoy sampai habis kelas. Mama tak faham kenapa Z menangis. Kenapa last week ok, this week tak ok pulak. Mama keciwa sebab mama rasa Z still having anxiety. Strangers anxiety yg dah berbulan2 mama berusaha untuk ubati :(. 

Look how happy he was in the beginning.. and how upset he was at the end.. Sorry sayang..

Sigh.. mama mintak maaf sayang.. when I look back of what happened yesterday, I realized you actually have overcome most of your anxiety (if not all). that’s actually a very huge steps already. Masa sampai semalam pun, Z sebenarnya dah berani explore the place alone by himself. Z dah berani layan cikgunya yg suka ketawa berdekah2 tu. Z juga ok when other children arrived. So, its not really the ‘strangers anxiety’. He just tired. He need a rest. And mama has punished you by not giving you attention and comfort you looking for.. :(

Memang padanlah muka mama bila sampai rumah, Z dah tak mahu sayang n cuddle mama.. walaupun dah berkali2 mama minta maaf. Z merajuk. Mesti hati Z terluka. Mama sepatutnya be the one who understand him the most. But I failed yesterday. And I broke your heart. And I am terribly sorry…

Nasib baik lah bila dah malam, Z dah maafkan mama.. Z dah sayang mama ketat2 macam selalu.. ahhhh.. I love you soo much baby *hugggss**

Amazing Day!

Terlalu aneh pada firasat mama.. Sebab hari ni Z tak menangis masa di Gymboree! And bertambah ajaib.. Z plays with other children!! Lagi menghairankan, orang ketawa kuat2 depan muka dia pun, dia masih boleh cool?!!!?! What just happened???!!

My happy baba :)

Pagi tadi berat betul hati mama nak bawak Z ke Gymboree. Bukan apa, dah la jauh, Z pulak for the last 2 sessions asik lah menangis and berpelukan dengan mama jer.. Tapi sebab dah bayar, mama paksa lah jugak diri.. Mama sengaja pergi awal sikit harini, hopefully Z sempat lah main2 sensorang dulu sebelum orang lain sampai. We arrived 15 minits early. Nampak2 jer pintu sekolah, Z dah start merengek2.. aih, sudah.. fikir mama. Masuk jer, ada cikgu sorang jer. daftar2 then bukak kasut n jaket, terus lah masuk kelas.

Memula dia masih nak berdukung lagi. Mama letakkan atas slide, eh suka pulak dia.. terus main2 tapi still pegang tangan mama lah. 5 minit kemudian ada new student coming. Molly namanya. Sangat friendly. Sebabkan dia baru, mak nya tak tau yang Z nih having anxiety (org lain selalunya mmg tak kasik anak diorang datang dekat sebab Z mesti akan melalak kalau di approach). Berlainan dengan Molly, dia terus datang and sapa Z. Z terpinga2 kejap, but x nangis. Dia Cuma melarikan diri dari Molly jer. Mama biarkan jer lah, mama Molly pulak tengah sibuk mengisi borang masa tu. Lama2 Z macam dah tak kisah Molly dok kejar2 dia tu.. dia terus jer main2 kat slide.. Hmm.. good sign :)

Terpinga2 tengok orang baru datang

Then, sedikit demi sedikit bebudak lain pun sampai.. Z macam terpegun jugak sekejap. Mama pegang jer tangan dia sambil ulang2 cakap its ok, mama here.. dia diam jer, dah tak main2 dah.. sampailah class start.

The good thing about Gymboree is, the class is quite structured. Lagu2 and activity lebih kurang sama jer every week. So, bila cikgu panggil untuk duduk berkumpulan tu, Z memang dah tahu its singing time (last class walaupun dia melalak, tapi time nyanyi dia diam jer). This time, dia mmg dah excited. Dah ketawa2 ngekek2 time nyanyi hokey pokey and bounce2.

Lepas habis activity berkumpulan, buat physical activity pulak. Again, his mood totally different now. Panjat sana panjat sini, main slide, even bebudak lain datang dekat pun dia tak kisah. Even masa cikgu datang and ajar dia dia main tolak2 pun dia tak nangis. First time strangers pegang yg dia tak menangis, in fact dia beri kerjasama pulak. Cikgu suruh tolak, dia tolak. Cikgu suruh stop, dia berhenti. MashaAllah.. mama sangat kagum T__T. Semua orang pun puji2 dia harini..heheh..

Khusyuk dengar cikgu bercerita :D

Final part activity bubbles and parachute. Ini memang tak payah suruh lah. Dia yang dulu pegi kejar cikgu. Mama pun kena tinggal. Dia punya ketawa, memang mengekek2. Cuma masalahnya he still don’t know how to share or taking turn. Org lain punya turn pun dia pergi serbu, pastu toys kat tangan org lain pun dia selamba jer p ambik (-.-).. Tak per lah, we will work on that issue later..

Penat.. habis skolah terus tertido..

Yang penting today he really make me proud.. ^_^. It’s really is a miracle. Just when I am about to giving up, he teaches me not to underestimate his ability. Memang nak menangis jer masa kat sekolah tadi. Maybe for other parents today, he has overcome his shyness after 3 weeks. But for me, he has overcome his anxiety in his whole 2 years of life :D

Sayangggggg Z ketat2!! *hugsss*