ENT, Hospitals & Anxiety

Z had ENT appointment on Monday. For once, I thought his anxiety level has improve for the last 3-4 months, but I was so wrong...

Last ENT appointment (Sept/Oct last year) wasnt that bad actually. He did cry a bit when the doctor examine him, but that was it. Takde lah sampai meraung2. Tapi kali ni, he was crying as soon as we enter the consultant room! And the consultant room happen to be the same room as Mr Samy (Surgeon)' room. Sebelum nih jumpa doctor (registrar) on a different room, probably thats why he was ok..

Memang tiap kali jumpa Mr Samy Z akan melalak mcm nampak antu.. Mr Samy is a very nice surgeon actually, dia pun heran kenapa Z asik melalak tiap kali jumpa dia. Mama bagitau la sebab Z ada anxiety expecially bila jumpa strangers, walaupun pelik jugak sebab dia mcm ok jer kalau jumpa doctor lain. But it makes me realised 1 thing now, Z is still having trauma from his surgery last year! It does makes senses now. Patutla dia asyik melalak tiap kali pegi out patient dept sebab kat situ la dia slalu jumpa Mr Samy. And he remembered Mr Samy, Mr Samy is not a stranger to him, but probably somebody that make him 'suffer'.

Aaahh poor Z. Bila di ingat kembali saat Z before surgery last year, memang mama rasa nak peluk Z ketat2. Not the actual surgery yg Z takut. He was knocked out during the surgery, so he wont remember. But the day before that (and of course the whole 3 weeks hospital stay in general), when they want to find out about the blockage. He was wide awake at that time. They rushed him to emergency recess room, then poke him all over the place to empty his tummy. He was screaming so loud at that time. Mama plak hanya mampu berdiri di hujung bilik sambil melalak. After that he was rushed back and forth to the x ray room with camera IN his tummy, with coloured liquid IN his tummy and segala macam test lagilah ---- while he's wide awake! Honestly, mama pun trauma bila kenangkan the situation, apetah lagi Z.. Masih terngiang2 di telinga mama Z menjerit2 'awayyyy!! awayyyyy!! gwayyy!!' yes, he cant speak, but that's exactly his word at that time. actually for the whole 3 weeks stay in the hospital. Tiap kali dia nampak nurse or doctor datang jer, mesti dia jerit 'gwayyy!!'.

Day 5 Post SBO Operation

Memula mama heran jugak, apa yang Z jeritkan. Asik ulang mende yang sama jer, and its a new words, very different to his regular babbling. Bila Mairead (Home Teacher) datang the next day, dia yg bagitau mama OMG, I think he say 'Go Away!' . We never heard the words again since he's out of the hospital. So he really meant what he said.. Mairead informed Maeve (Psychologist) about that, and she thinks Z must has traumatic experience when he was in NICU, that's where the anxiety comes actually. Pelik juga, takkan la umo 2-3 hari dah boleh ingat (he was in NICU for 16 days), apparently it could come subconciously according to Maeve..

Day 2 of life - Post DA Operation

Back to ENT appointment, this time for his hearing. Dah 2 kali pegi buat hearing test in clinic North George's St (not hospital), but wasnt successful because Z wont cooperate or in other word, Z was crying! So they refer us to hospital, with the hope that ENT team here could perform the test. Which is not. But at least this time they could do pressure test, and it was confirmed that he had fluid behind his ears. The Consultant still want to have the hearing test result before he could decide putting a grommet. So we have to reschedule the test in 6 weeks time. 

Z during ABR test in Gleneagles, Msia summer 2012

Next time the test will be performed in a separate building, so hopefully Z tak akan phobia sangat. Mama plan nak lalu ikut jalan belakang, then straight to the test room. According to ENT, kalau tak berjaya jugak next time, she will dicuss few other option that we can do for the tes involving GA kot.. Tengok ler camner.. hearing could impact his speech and also his balancing skill! Walaupun his ABR (auditory brain response) test is ok, but the blockage/fluid could impact his hearing. Mama tahu Z boleh je dengar most of the time, but we just dont know at what level. Mama nak rule out all other problem first before we go to autism route.

Follow-up

Tadi ada follow-up dgn Mr. Samy, surgeon. Nampak jer Mr Samy, terus melalak. Mmg dari dulu lagi, asal tgk muka Mr Samy, mesti meraung2. Z sedar kot time diorang operate tu? (Masa diorang surung keluar theater mmg Z dah sedar pun)


Tunggu turn

Anyway x de la dia check apa pun.. Luka surgery mmg dh pulih sepenuhnya. Cuma bab muntah2 tu jer la..

Kebetulan sejak semalam Z muntah2 balik. Dia muntah sekali jer, tapi tiap kali makan, baru 2-3 sudu mulalah dia meloya2. Air liur menjejeh2, tersangap2 terus dia refused utk makan. Minum susu ok jer. Last 2 weeks pun jadi jugak.

Very similar to what had happen before. Z bukanlah jenis yg selalu muntah. The first 2.5 year of his life dia cuma muntah 4-5 kali jer kot. Until last december when he started having those symptom. Sebab tu lah mama risau.

Mr Samy kata, from what he has found during surgery (lots of adhesias) mmg expected it will happen again pun. :((

So sekarang we just have to try to delay the need for next surgery jer la. Kena make sure The bowel not blocked again. Tiap kali dia muntah, kena bagi fluid jer until there is bowel movement. But this is only temporary management jer la.. Sooner or later it will become worst and another surgery will be needed.. Scary, but at least we know what to expect..

Semoga Allah terus melindungi anak syurga mama.. :(

HOME...!!

Alhamdulillah we are home :)

After 18 days, Z finally discharged yesterday. Bila nampak jer mama keluarkan jaket, terus dia excited because he knew he's going out. Sepanjang jalan senyum jer.. sampai rumah pun senyum jer.. tidur malam pun senyum, bangun pagi tadi pun masih tersenyum.. He is so happy to be home :D. 

Pertama kalinya dapat tidur dengan aman tanpa gangguan nurse/doctor :D

Sampai2 rumah semalam, terus dia pegi belek2 all his toys. Then papa keluarkan vacuum, selalunya he will follow around (merangkak) while we vacuuming the house. Semalam pun macam tu la. Cuma he is still very week. Merangkak 2-3 tapak, dah terlepek. Then dia masih cuba nak kejar, so dia meniarap pulak. Cuba sedaya upaya, tapi lepas few attempts, dia stop. X larat sangat, terus baring jer sambil tengok papa vacuum.. kesian mama tengok. At least he is motivated to move. Kalau dekat hospital, baring jer atas katil..

Anyway they discharged him with conditions. The infection still there. Bladder infection dah clear, tapi central line infection pulak (PICC line utk TPN). Sepatutnya another 7 days with different antibiotic. Tapi his temperature dah lower. Malam2 jer naik over 37. Siang dah normal. Dr McCann cakap kalau temperature naik 37.5-38 jer terus kena bawak ke hospital semula. Malam tadi dah naik 37.5 pun.. tapi kejap jer la, mama kasik calpol then basah2 kan kepala, he's fine then.

Selagi boleh handle, we wont be bringing him back to the hospital. Happy sangat tengok dia yang asik tersenyum jer sepanjang hari. ALHAMDULILLAH...

Day 11

Still in Surgical Flat Temple Street Children Hospital..
Although Z has been progressing very well the past few days, yesterday he started having high temperature, so today they have to re start with antibiotic. Still no bowel movement since the past 3 days.. :(

Mama n Papa back to work this week. The arrangement is papa will work 3 days per week and mama 2 days per week until next 2 weeks. Praying Z is getting better and we can go home. Hospital is just too stressfull, we are getting exhausted.

And people at work just not helping either *sigh*

One thing they should know by now: my baby is still my priority, so WHATEVER!!

Day 10: my sunshine :)

Day 5 (Yesterday)

Alhamdulillah.. some improvement..

Recovery Phase

Z had surgery yesterday for small bowel obstruction. Alhamdulillah he is recovering now.

We went through the worst week of our life so far. If somebody could have listen to me since the past 2 months, thing wont be this bad ;(.

I feel so upset, angry and scared for my child. The pain that he had for the past few days were unbearable even for m to watch..

Anyway, what hv to be done is done. Will blog about the details story later. Now we must focus on Z's recovery process. Hopefully he will be back to himself soon.

Mama loves u soo much darling!

11-11-11

eh, mama pun nk letak jugak lah entry 111111 nih.. hehehe

harini Z kena pegi Temple Street Children Hospital untuk routine blood test for thyroid level. mama busy, so papa takes turn utk bercuti dan bawak Z ke hospital. Good Luck Papa! 1st time nih papa bawak Z pegi hospital sengsorang heheheh.. tadi mama call Z tgh tunggu turn. ramai jugak orang kata papa..

petang ni pulak mama nk pegi GP nak buat urine test. mama rasa mama kena UTI (Urinary Track Infection) lah sbb ada traces of blood in my urine 2-3 hari nih (euuww gross!). pastu asik nk ke toilet ajee.. walaupun tak sakit, tapi better lah pegi check awal takut2 ada more chronic problem ke apa ker.. atuk pulak risau takut kena kidney stone mcm dia kena dulu.. tapi dia kata dia mmg rasa sakit lah time tu.. hmmm..praying hard for nothing serious..huhuhu..

dah tua2 nih (uhuk2!) mulalah banyak penyakit kot.. mama have to be more concern about my own health.. terngiang2 lagi pesan mak lang masa mama lepas bersalinkan Z dulu. kata mak lang, mama kena jaga kesihatan diri mama jugak kalau mama betul2 sayangkan Z. sebabnya nanti kalau mama sakit, sapa pulak yg akan jaga Z.. masa tu masih dalam pantang, tapi pantang mama mmg kelaut.. makan minum pun tak terjaga sebab mama sibuk ulang alik ke hospital utk Z. mama mmg tak peduli langsung pasal diri mama. lepas mak lang ckp mcm tu lah, baru mama berhenti sejenak dan berfikir.. betul jugak, what if mama sakit.. what if mama not be able to look after Z.. what if mama cant even hold Z? to scarry to think about lah..

sigh

dah melalut la pulak :(
better off.
mama luvs u Z!!!!

Detik-detik Kelahiran Part II (The DAY)

Hampir setahun berlalu, baru nak buat entry.. Draft dah lama disiapkan, cuma tinggal nak masukkan gambar sahaja. Dan itulah masaalahnya.. setiap kali saya pandang gambar2 itu, setiap kali jugaklah saya terpaksa menghentikan niat saya... Anyway, it will be a very long story…

(Part I: Detik-detik Kelahiran Part I )

11th Aug 2010 (1 Ramadhan 1431)

Sepanjang malam tu saya mmg tidur2 ayam jer.. menggelabah semacam tapi still belagak macho gitu.. then around 7am tu HO dtg melawat. sekali lg saya bertanyakan pukul brp giliran saya utk caesarean tu.. dia pun tak pasti, kalau semi emergency nih last2 skit katanya.. the first operation at 8am.. hmm, tak leh jadi nih.. saya x rasa saya akan kena lambat, so saya pun terus lah mandi n bersiap2 dulu..

sambil kemas2 baju baby yg nk dibawa masuk tu, sambil air mata saya mengalir.. bukanlah saya takutkan operation saya tu, cuma saya risaukan baby aje.. will he be safe? sempat ke saya jumpa dia n macam2 lg perasaan.. hubby pulak still di hotel. MIL baru jer sampai all the way from johor, so diorang rehat2 sekejap…

around 9am, nasib saya masih belum diketahui.. then another ward round, kali ni diketuai oleh my friend dr. Yani. mcm biasa saya pun tanya ler bila giliran saya nih? then dia pun terus suruh another doctor pegi check.. tunggu punya tunggu x datang2 jugak…

tetiba jer around 9.30am tu, terdengar hiruk pikuk diluar.. segerombolan nurses pun sampai.. diorang ckp its my turn!! pukul 10am katanya.. WHATTTT?? err, hubby pun blom sampai nih. diorang dh sibuk2 tukarkan baju saya. pastu lak sorang nurse tu perasan tangan saya yg pasang line tu dh membengkak, dah diorang kene cabut n pasang tangan kanan pulak.. 2-3 kali try jugak baru dpt..time ni jugak ler diorang pasangkan tube for urine. saya mcm terkelu, terkejut n pasrah jer laa..

(image googled)

dah siap2 tu, saya ditransfer katil n disorong ke operation theatre (OT). kebetulan hubby pun sampai.. legaaa rasanya..nurse kata kalau husband doctor maybe boleh masuk skali, tapi kene permission from doctor bertugas laa.. so, hubby pun pegi la carik doctor tersebut, malangnya kami sampai agak lewat.. saya perlu dibedah segera, so hubby x dpt ler join.. huhuhu.. lepas bersalaman, saya pun terus ditolak masuk.

dlm OT tu mmg blur habis.. sebab x dibenarkan pakai glasses (or anything lah). saya ni dh la rabun tahap chronic. mmg serious x nampak apa2.. bila mata dh kabur, pendengaran n minda pun automatic jadik blur.. masa doctor bius dtg terangkan pasal procedure pun saya main angguk jer.. then dia suruh sign, saya siap tanya kat mana nk sign nih doctor, saya x nampak? hehehe

saya pun x pasti brp ramai manusia kat dlm tu.. yg nyata mmg ramai ler.. rasanya ada 2 org gyne, then ada beberapa neonatal team utk tunggu baby, anaesthetic lagi, nurses tak payah ckp lah.... masa tu mmg berserah jer laa.. segala doa yg terlintas di kepala saya baca.

(image googled)

lepastu anesthetic dtg ckp nk mulakan bius. diorang suruh saya duduk membongkok. masa doctor masukkan jarum tu, terasa la skit2.. terasa sejuk jer kat tulang belakang tu. then saya dibaringkan semula. after few minuets, diorang test cucuk2 n tanya if i feel anything. memang x rasa cucuk2 tu.. tapi lenguh sangat.. rasa mcm breathless.

sebabkan perut saya yg terover besar tu, memang saya x pernah boleh tidur terlentang. berat n breathless. Jadi saya asik mengerang2 jer masa tu.. nurse sampai kene pegang tangan saya kuat2 sbb saya nk pusingkan badan..terdengar2 nurse tu ckp.. sabar puan..sabar sikit jer lagi..

dalam pada masa tu,mmg terasa lah doctor tgh godek2 perut. cuma x sakit jer.. then doctor ckp kat nurses supaya bersedia utk tolak baby. so beramai2 lah diorang tolak perut saya dari dada ke bawah supaya baby turun.. mmg sakit n berat gilos. mau patah tulang rusukku..

tetiba jer rasa badan amat ringannnn.. hmm, mesti baby dh dikeluarkan nih… tapi apesal tak dgr bunyi tangisan pun? masa tu saya rasa mcm sedar tak sedar jer.. rasa mengantuk sgt.. tapi memang meleleh2 air mata.. then dgr doctor tu ckp, eh baby nih, lahir2 jer terus kencing pancut kena doctor yer… pastu diorang gelak2.. sejurus lepas tu baru dgr suara baby menangis.. ALHAMDULILLAH.. thats my boy..

lepas dh dgr baby menangis tu, saya mmg rasa letih n mengantuk teramat. cuba jugak nk tahan mata sbb nk tgk baby.. tapi mmg tak mampu.. dgr hiruk pikuk jer, mata mmg terus kelam.. dgr nurse ckp, puan,puan tidur lah dulu yer.. doctor tgh jahit tu… hmm, x payah disuruh, saya mmg dh separa sedar dh pun.. kuat sungguh ubat bius tu.. adakah saya telah pitam?

tak tau brp lama saya terlelap.. sedar2 diorang dh sorong saya ke bilik saringan.. badan saya menggigil2.. nurse selimutkan n letak bwh heater. terus saya tanya nurse, mana anak saya nurse? jawab nurse, anak puan ada masalah pernafasan, diorang dh bawak ke NICU.. jgn bimbang, suami puan dah ikut baby ke NICU.. terus saya menangis.. nurse yg setia menemani saya tu pujuk2 saya sampai lah saya tertidur kembali..

dlm pukul 12 tgh hari, saya pun disorong keluar dari dewan bedah. keluar2 tu nampak hubby yg baru sampai tgh tersenyum.. saya pun membalas senyuman dgn lemah sekali.. air mata mmg tak henti2 meleleh.. salam2 cium tangan then hubby ckp baby ok dan comel sgt.. rasa legaa sikit perasaan saya pada ketika itu.

Kemudian, saya terus disorong balik ke wad. Masa diorang nak pindahkan dari katil ke katil tu, masyaAllah, sakitnyaa saya rasa. Nasib baik masa tu hubby ada, dialah yg tolong nurses tu angkat saya. After that,diorang tukar dan bersihkan badan saya. Waktu tu tak terasa sgt sakitnya sebab mungkin ubat bius tu masih kuat. Tapi badan saya masih menggigil2 dan sangat lemah lah. Bantal semua mmg tak boleh pakai and diorang tak benarkan saya makan/minum apa2 pun lg for another 6 hours. Nanti muntah katanya..

Masa tu jugak datang beberapa org doctor silih berganti. Saya mmg x peduli sgt lah. Sekejap datang kasik ubat, sekejap dtg cucuk sana, cucuk sini.. berserah jer lah... but 1 thing i do remember, sorang doctor Chinese nih dtg n ckp line kat tangan saya tu membengkak, so dia kena buat yg baru.. WHATTT?? Saya ckp ler tadik pagi dah buat yg baru, pun x boleh pakai ker? Unfortunately not. So, this time mmg hazab giler. Believe or not, more than 10 times dia cucuk2 tangan saya. Dia ckp vein saya kecik sangat. End up dia kena pakai yg pediatric punya jarum baru boleh. Tangan saya dua2 belah membengkak dgn jayanya dan mmg both hand tak boleh bergerak langsung. Pastu tangan lebam2 mcm baru lepas kena pukul tu.. Parut2 bekas cucuk2 tu pun took about 2-3 weeks baru hilang. Mmg horror lah rupa tangan saya tu.. huhhuhu..

Anyway, masa visiting hour tgh hari tu, baru lah my family dapat melawat. Saya masih lagi separa sedar sebenarnya and mmg tak boleh bangun pun lagi. Unfortunately baby was in NICU and only hubby jer yg boleh pegi melawat. Hubby sempat snap few pictures of baby and here is one of them...

When i first saw this photo, mmg mengangis teresak2 lah.. rasa sayuu sangat.. kesian my baby.. selama ni he always with me. As soon as he arrived in this world, he has been left alone. Rasa macam nak lari jer pegi tengok dia. But i couldn’t...

Saya on the other hand mmg masih terlentang kaku lah. X dpt nk pusing kiri dan kanan pun. Malam tu baru boleh bergerak sikit. Tapi masih belum boleh bangun dari katil. Makan pun tak boleh. Setakat minum susu dan biskut jer..

That night, one more time hati saya gelisah dan resah.. asik berulang ulang kali saya menangis sambil menatap gambar2 baby. Dalam masa yg sama, saya cuba jugak tenangkan perasaan. Banyak2 berdoa dan ingat Allah.. risau jugak takut nanti terkena postpartum depression ke ape pulak.. Of course lah saya risau.. dah la saya belum pun lagi dpt berjumpa baby yg saya kendong selama 8 bulan tu, besok tepat pukul 8 pagi, my baby akan di operate pulak. And its a major operation. Bukan sikit2. And he is only 1 day old! Ya Allah.. sesak nafas saya.. memang tak lena saya sepanjang malam tu..

To be continued...

GRRRRRR!!!!

O.M.G!!

Petang tadi I got a call from SMH about the blood test we did on Monday. There were some mixed up on the paperwork and Z unfortunately has to re do the test!!! I asked why, and she said that the name on the sample form was spelt differently from the one that my husband put on the form during registration process. padehal 1 letter jer pun yg salah ZachEry instead of ZachAry. and she said they can not accept that because its their stupid policy. fine!

then i asked, since now u know who is the owner, can u just used that blood sample? NO, THEY HAVE DISCHARD THE BLOOD!! and she continued, its only took 2 hrs for you to come in and do the blood. hey, that's not even my problem! the problem is, my poor child has to go through that horrific moment again!

then I rang hubby.. pot pet pot pet marahkan dia because of his silly mistake. turn out he said he doesnt even f***ing fill in any form! He showed them the letter he got from SMH (with Z's name and details on it) and the receptionist yg key in the wrong details in their system. so, the mistake was made by the hospital's staff themself. and to cover that, they blame it on us.

marahnyaaa sayaaaaaa!!!!!
and my poor baby.. sigh.. trauma semalam pun x lepas lagi.. nak kene pegi lagi skali pulak... waaaaaaaaa...!

Bravery Award

Semalam Z's first appointment with pead at St Michael House (SMH). Mama & papa cuti lah for this reason. First time jugak we visited SMH. Besar jugak tempatnya.. They even have their own international school and swimming pool! Look like a very nice place for regular visit eh :)

Anyway, we met Dr Siobhan. Overall she said Z did really well and above average for DS chart! Well done sayang mama :D.

Berat: still 8.5kg she said ok lah since mama&papa pun kurus aje..
tinggi: 75cm
Ukur lilit kepala: 45cm average

Eyesight n hearing looks normal, but she will still refer us to the specialist. Then she quiet concern dgn Z's lactose intolerence lah. So she also will refer us to dietrician. Takut tak cukup calcium katanya.. But he obviously look healthy. Cuma she thinks better we do proper allergy test utk confirm.

Anyhoo, we also got some not-so-good news. Based on previous blood test (in March) they noticed that Z's thyroid level quite high. 8.6. whereby, normal people usually have between 1-5 aje. So she asked for another blood test to monitor the level. Kalau increasing, kene buat treatment lah..



So, after SMH, we went straightaway to Children Hospital Temple Street for another blood test. Wow, kali nih Z meraung mmg x pedulik sesapa dah. Mama pun tahaann jer masa tgh amik darah tu. Keluar jer dari bilik tu, mama pun tumpang meleleh2.. Huhu..sian lah dekat anak mama nih..

Hopefully the result will be favourable to us. InsyaAllah...


Kejap jer nangisnyaa.. Balik rumah terus happy as if nothing happen :D

Baby’s (& Mommy’s) Stuff – Final Preparation

Last day sebelum kena serah diri ke hospital..

Baru lepas packing2 hospital bags for baby n mummy. Rasanya most of checklist items dh prepared. Cuma sedikit terkilan sbb barang2 shipping from Dublin blom sampai lagi.. As per shipping co. my box expected to arrive end of august (kapal delayed 2 weeks plak tu.. pfffttt!!!). My original due date was after raya, so ingatkan sempat ler masa shipping barang haritu.. since dh jadi mcm nih, ade jugak ler barang yg kene beli twice.. nasib baik ler mmg dh plan from the beginning nk beli most of items kat sini pun.. kalau tak, lagi ler haruu.. haih, dugaannn....

Some of items yg masih di tengah lautan..


Anyway, harini dh received cooler bag set from Mom’s Little One. Nanti senang nk transport EBM masa baby kat NICU.


i asked hubby to buy a manual tommee tippee pump mcm kat bawah ni utk dipakai sementara nk tunggu medela swing yg di shipping tuu.. tatau ler ok ker tak.. one more thing, i might need to buy that ‘special feeding bottle’ (Medela Haberman Feeder) for baby, tapi tu tunggu la tgk how his condition will be. Nak bf ni pun i still tak sure bila boleh start since for first few days tu baby mmg tak boleh minum pun.. pastu kene minum through tube plak.. hmmm... Semoga cita2 saya utk BF my baby terlaksana.. aminn..


Baju2 baby pun i tak beli banyak sangat.. beli yg size besar skit sbb dh banyak beli yg kecik2 from Dublin. So, sorry la baby yer kalau awak kena pakai baju gelobos skit sementara nk tunggu kotak shipping tu... huhuh..
Owh, baby’s equipment mcm stroller, rocker suma tu i blom beli.. nanti bila baby dh kuar hospital baru mummy belikan ok..

Baby punya hospital beg dh 100% ready. Tapi rasanya barang2 tu hanya cukup for first few days jer laa.. mummy kena bawak more pampers n bajus nanti.. eh, baby kat NICU pakai baju ker ar? Nape tgk slalu mcm pakai pampers aje.. hmm.. tgk ler camner nanti.

Mummy punya hospital beg tak ready lg.. since nk kena berkurung about 1 week kat spital tu, banyak jugak stuffs i have to bring. Last minuets items kena masukkan besok;
- Laptop + charger
- Phones + chargers
- Minyak selusuh
- Buku merah
- Beli few magazines

Ape lagi ek.. risau gak kalau tertinggal important items. Rumah agak jauh from hospital.. susah nk suruh org bawakkan plak nanti..

Ahhh.. 5 more days until i meet my baby.. And hubby will arrive tomorrow!
Penantianku akan berakhir.. Ya Allah.. permudahkan lah urusan kami... aminn..