Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid

To tell or not to tell..

Z has a mild case of DS, his conditions are not that apparent. His own neonatal team didn’t even realized it for the first week. Normal doctors (read: not pediatrician) hasn’t had clue that he has DS if we did not mentioned it. And even most of my friends are doctors/surgeons, none of them ever mentioned or have any query about it. I was kind of hoping that people will know it straight away by looking at his face. But I don’t think it happening any time soon.. maybe in future, his features & symptoms will getting stronger where people can easily make their own assumptions, but for now it is up to us whether we are to make the announcement or not.

For the past few months, this issue has been bugging my head constantly. There are part of me that just wanted to scream out loud telling everybody about my baby conditions. No, not for seeking sympathy, but I just feel that people should know and should accept him the way I accepting him. Also, I feel like I’ve been living in a lie pretending that everything is alright, when it is definitely not. I am worried that people will think I still not accepting the fact that my son is different from others by hiding it. To be honest, I really wish I could talk about it freely.. I want to express my worried to others. I want to deal with it more openly..

But… I am not sure about others acceptance. Will they treat my son differently? Will they react differently towards me after they knew the fact? I always believe that my friends are all educated enough to react positively on his conditions. But at the same time, I also worried that they will feel sorry for me.. they might feel uncomfortable talking about the issue and even worst they might avoid talking to me just because they don’t want to hurt my feelings.

And today, it is proven what I am worrying about is in fact true. As we were having our normal morning break, we were talking about pregnancy and motherly instinct on their unborn child. 1 of my colleague ‘A’ make a shock and honest statement. She said, when she was pregnant, she was so worried that her baby will have a ‘problem’ because at that time our colleague ‘B’ (who happen to be away today) constantly talk about her special need child (which I will story later). This happen 7-8 yrs ago. And she still think that the story she heard from B really affecting her feeling at that time. Then my other colleague ‘C’ who is currently pregnant also express her concern about the stories she heard from her friends about DS baby which also make her felt uncomfortable. An how she wish she don’t have to hear all those sad story. And there I am.. sitting in the middle of their conversations listening carefully to what they said while part of me want to jump out and say ‘ hey my baby has down syndrome too!’ but instead, I just stood there.. nodding my head.. thinking of how this conversation has given an answer to my very own situation.. while of course trying to hold myself from crying..

I am not making any judgment here. I am fully aware, they are not against any of those special need childs. Its more about their concern and sympathy towards those children and their parents as they said. Especially when Alan (B’s Son) who is currently in the hospital due to failure kidney. To be honest I don’t really know Alan’s exact conditions as I was worried I’m going to hurt B’s feeling if I asked about him (<--noted already="" and="" bed.="" before="" br="" but="" degree="" having="" her="" his="" informed="" life="" me="" most="" of="" on="" retardation.="" she="" some="" son="" spending="" that="" the="">
See, from my very own experience, long before I have Z, I also have the same feeling. No, not feeling of disgusting or anything against disabled / learning difficulties people.. but more towards sympathy and uneasiness. I just don’t know how to react. I think because the lack of knowledge that make me react that way. I might not felt the same way towards people with DS. The only reason is, 1 of my niece (15 years old) also has DS. Yes, Z is not the first one. In fact, he is the third in our family. My youngest aunty ‘maksu’ (40 years old) also has DS. (NO this is not genetic transfer or keturunan. We have confirmed that from Chromosome study we did before.. it just happen randomly.. and our family just happen to be the chosen 1 :)). So, back to the story, because I already have experience with people with DS, I normally wont have the same uneasiness feeling towards them, unlike when I have to deal with any other type of disabilities. Just when I have my own son that I realized how important is this knowledge. I guess, only when you experience it yourself then you will understand it more right?

So, as a conclusion, NO, I don’t think they are ready to hear the truth yet. And not just my office mates, but the same goes to my real life friends. I am sorry my dear friends.. it never be my intention to hide such a news from you guys, I just don’t think it is necessary YET to tell. Unless of course if any of you asked, then I will definitely not going to hide it. Hope you guys will understand the situation we are facing at the moment. I know every person will react differently, and I know there are some of my friends that deserve to know.. but it just not the right time yet.. sooner or later you will eventually know. And if by chance, any of you ever bumped to this blog, please please please be remember that we really value our friendship, therefore we don’t want you guys to feel the unnecessary burden or uncomfortness. We treasure our journey with Z and we entirely happy with his present, and for that reason, we really appreciate if you guys will accept him just the way he is.

p/s: at least I have this blog where I can freely share my feelings and concern…