Serabut..

Too much to think and to do but too little time to act.. 

image: googled

Short-term: mama needs more holiday! I mean annual holiday. Bukan utk pergi bergumbira, tapi utk merealisasikan impian mama untuk memenuhi keperluan Z. We really need to get a private OT and SLT.. also swimming classes.. Masalahnya mama dah x de cuti.. Macam mana nak bawak Z pergi appointment2 nih? Sigh, agak2 bos mama marah tak kalau mama ambik unpaid leave..?

Semi-Long-Term: Hmm.. Should I just become a SAHM? No maid from November onwards.. 

Options: 

1) Dapatkan au pair (european maid) 

Senang carik, tapi mcm susah jer.. Makan minum, agama n culture..menjadi persoalan.. 

2) Hantar Z ke full time creche (nursery) 

How about his physio, home teaching and other appointment.. makan lagi.. (they provide food) halal ke? dairy free ke? kawan2 dia lagi.. not to mention the 'cekik darah' fees (900++ EURO) per month. And the most important part is, will he be ok?

3) SAHM

Tapi kalau mama benti keje, susah jugak financially.. Mama rasa mama boleh sacrifice my 'needs' kot.. We could move to a cheaper place and spend less.. But we also need funds for private therapies, school (kena jugak bergaul sekali sekala kot), supplements and also cells treatment. Nak harapkan papa sorang memang tak mampu.

And.. Yes, I wish I could choose option 3. I want to be at home all the time.. It is really heartbreaking to see him crying every morning when I left. I've been thinking of him all the time at work. But I think all other moms are the same.. Sape tak mau dok rumah and jaga anak jer kan.. 

Unfortunately some of us have to work.. sigh.. Semoga Ramadhan ini memberi sedikit kelapangan pada kita.. Amin..

p/s: 2 years ago I would never thought that I will put into a consideration of becoming a SAHM.. But yeah, things change.. and nothing in this world is much more important than my son..